-UnCertaiN-

Woke up with a nightmare tis morning, dreamt of a accident,though no one was hurt and I remember how it happens, it wasn't our fault, it was another weird weird lady's fault den da car look quite bad!I never dream of this before, it's my first time, so I went & pray to God just now before sitting down here writing all this.Old people saying that when you have a nightmare or a bad dream, da best is to tell out so that it doesnt happens!*cross fingers tight tight*

Everything doesnt seem right this month right?Guess I really need to go over for a visit at da temple, do more charity and balance upmyself.

As for her & me, I guess she doesnt know how to talk to me d, she doesnt care nor bother about me too. I know I'm not important, doesnt having any standing in her heart. I know she wouldnt look for me. What am I waiting then?Why am I waiting?All I know is she's da one I'm waiting..

Sometimes Sam can be kinda foolish..

Friday Morning~!

Yohooo..it's friday morning!!Love fridays a lot a lot cos it means weekends are on their way already & I could sleep more den 6 hours, I could get lazy on my bed whole day and listening to mp3 songs, seriously I just love being in my room, doing nothing, just lay down,close my eyes and listen to my mp3 songs, rather den stuck outside on da road with da jam or get crowded shopping with people out there(I love shopping and not you bump into me,I bump into you la..arghh)

Yeah my salary is out d*oops*should I mention it here?Well please ignore what I say okie?Hehe..well before this, I have planned to get my first salary and da first thing to do is to have a good dinner with my dear hubby and shop shop all I can.Reality, it doesnt happened now, so I went out with chin yesterday to grab pasar malam den we had it in mid valley with andrea den we continue our shopping session.Yes, it seems like I was having a mega shopping time and my heart wasnt there with me, every piece of cloth I wore doesnt seem to be pretty, doesnt fit and okie let's face it, da reason is because my feelings wasnt there. Last time shopping was reallie great cos I enjoyed it so much with her around, her opinions are really appreciated by me, she say it's nice,immediately pay & buy, she say nopes den definitely da clothing is out of my list..*sigh*Dont I miss those days?

Yesterday she msg and say she reallie dont understand me and said she didnt like talking to me, was shocked over what she say cos I kept wondering till today, what have I done wrong?Why did she gave me such response?If I'm wrong, let me know la my mistake, suddenly kena prosecuted with no warning*innocentnya*anyway probably she got her valid reasons, I wouldnt ask much, wait for her to explain if she wants to..

Every morning is another brand new day for me, I'm kinda use to waking up in da morning messaging her, I felt my life wasnt me alone, I felt love and care, I felt that everyday I have a love one(that's her la,summore who right?) with me, I talked to chin yesterday and said that last time I could feel our hearts together, whatever we do, I could feel that passion from both of us. Now, I feel so many misunderstands happening around, am I running out of luck?*Oh God*so I decided to visit temple this weekend, wanna pray pray..

Can we have a talk?I felt that you have been thinking too much till you're frustrated or lost?You doesnt know what to do and you cant assume what I'm thinking/feeling/talking too, isnt talking to each other, blast everything out is better?Not asking for an arguement, I'm asking for a better move/approach from both of us to think and figure out what we want.

I know I have been trying to save this relationship, doing everything that I can, how about you?What are you thinking?What are you avoiding?Why are you isolating yourself there?How have you been?When you wanna come out of your hidden shelter and talk?Who you want to live tis life with?Am I bothering or interrupting you?What am I doing now?How should I be?Am I doing da right thing?Are we suppose to forgive and forget?Did we do anything wrong?How much we understand each other?Are we willing to compromise?Where's da love?I wanna know..

I care, I reallie care..I care every single thing about you and now it's not da right time for me to do so cos I'm afraid of pressuring you, that's why I try to stay far from you, after any incident from last time till now, please do not be surprised that I still love you very much, I never change or decrease about my love for you, it sounds so desperate and dont ask me why I love you so much k?You should know it..ask your heart..have I ever left you alone?I may seem cold to you these days, it doesnt mean I dont love ya, is just that I'm kinda afraid, my feeling for you are so strong till that I takut later I throw everything to you and you're sufficated!*gasp*haha..

How I wish to see da happie happie jas who's happie with sam sam..sam sam love jas..jas love sam sam and happily ever after =)

Daring Moment..

Sorrie bloggie,I said I was suppose to post up this yesterday but I forgotten, sorrie ya so now I shall continue to write okie?*Phew*Finally da time has come where I have da courage to tell her it's for her to take her time to figure out about us, whether does she love me,does she wanna continue this relationship and is she being comfy with me, if da answer for all this questions is Yes den she shall look for me, I'm just sitting here and waiting for da finalize answer.

Probably da next question you'll pop me is for how long?As I told her to take her time so I guess duration of time doesnt matter at all, I have da time and patience to wait as long she knows who, what she wants and most importantly she's happie.Maybe some of you might be wondering what am I doing?

Oh yeah before I missed this, how come suddenly I'm so daring to do this?Simple cos she say she was frustrated. I doesnt wish to see her being upset/pressured/tension/frustrated being with me. I want her to feel and enjoy da moment of love bringing us happiness and everything we want to.Since I feel that da problem happened like 2 months ago, it's a time for her to settledown and regain her conciousness.Come on let's admit we have communication problem cos of our different attitude, we like to assume this and that about each other cos we never wanna ask, I'm afraid you doesnt like me to ask a lot and you doesnt wanna ask cos you think it's not necessary or doesnt wanna raise any issue. It's not our attitude problem, we need some adjustement and compromise about communication. We aint open to each other about this cos afraid of upsetting each other?Anyway, this is how I feel my dear.

Seriously I'm trying to save this relationship, if wasnt easy for us to go through da ups and down to reach the road here. In the relationship, we laughed,cried,hugged,nervous,scared, embarassed and etc TOGETHER. For me, this is just another test of love/life, I asked for a talk cos I wanna approach her for a solution and as knowing her for quite some time, I know she might be avoiding not to talk as she might feel that I'll talk a lot and win at da end. Just for your information, in a relationship/love/life, winning over your partner each time would results of losing her in da end, so do you think this is what i want?

She asked me yesterday how do I describe about myself?Well I gave my truthfully answer about da good and bad I think about myself.What's da reason she asked?I doesnt know and I didnt ask, I'm sure there's a good purpose behind gua =)

For now, I guess I need to free and let go of her, let her go as far as she wants, fly as high as she could, get as much air as possible. All this while I'm afraid of losing, so I hold her to me as tight as possible as near as I could and now I realise that you doesnt need to be possesive to love a person cos love comes naturally to you. Though it might be late to discover all this, anyhow late is better den never. I'm getting smarter already!!!*yeah right*blek*

Dear God,I thank you for everything that you have given to me in my life, no matter good or bad, there's a reason for everything or anything to happened,right now all I'm asking for is your guidance and support for me n jas, I guess we are a little bit lost in no where, lead us to our happiness where love and future is there with us, besides love, in our career n studies, bring us luck and good in health(especially for her!), bless our friends around us and may them be happie everyday.I confess my sins to you and hope to be forgiven, please do forgive jas,my family and fren's sins as well.Thank you God for everything and may you bless us in everyhing we do everyday.In the name of Jesus*Amen*

I aint Christian k?Just that I do believe da existance of God*keke*anyway time to start work already, you gals out there take care of yourself and for jas,if you're reading this, you doesnt need me to tell you who I am, you should know who I am to you.

I'll end with few lines of my little expressive moment..

In my heart,
We never be apart,
Cos you're the one who make me realise,
What's love and how our future gonna be.

If God were to give us another chance,
To mend the broken heart of yours,
I would promise that you'll have me forever with you.

I miss those kisses and huggies we had,
Needing you so badly around me,
How I wish you would say you love me,
And dear I love you so much..

Friends vs Lovers

It's a cloudy morning and yet da sun is still up behind da darkest clouds,in a way it does shows how I'm feeling right now, da weather tells da mood I'm in uh?Haha anyway hey before I start to talk a little story of mine, I wanna write something funny here to share with everyone, I guessed it might make us laugh or might lighten us on something..

Okie I name tis Friends vs Lovers where I'm gonna compare how do we feel or think or react in different situation with our friends and lovers..enjoy this people..I have been thinking about this da whole morning and it kept making me grin..

Situation 1: When you receive a call from them asking where are you & what are you doing?
Friends : It's a concern from them
Lovers : Why is she checking on me?I need freedom k?I dont need to report to you..

Situation 2: When they get sick and tells you about it
Friends : Immediately you'll call or msg them to check them out
Lovers : Sick again,duh?Msg and ask are you okie?

Situation 3: When both ask you out..
Friends : What time and where?I'm on my way
Lovers : Sorry honey, I got something on with my friends, I'll make it next time k?

Situation 4: When they need your help..
Friends : What happened?Do you need me to come over?
Lovers : Msg and msg asking about what happened again

Situation 5: Ask you to come over to look for them..
Friends : Alright,I'll be there,wait for me..
Lovers : Honey, i'm tired,can we talk tis on da phone?or can we talk about it when we meet?

Situation 6: When they repeatly asking you on something or when they ask more..
Friends : They are trying to understand me or da situation better
Lovers : What does she understand about me?Stop asking!I had enough..

Situation 7: When they are having a bad day and tends to be moody
Friends : Stay by their side & trying to know what happened
Lovers : Again n again it's happening, I doesnt understand her anymore & I hate asking over and over again what happened

Situation 8: When they tell you about your weakness
Friends : Okie they got a point there,I'll listen
Lovers : Is she trying to complain about me again?How many people have she been telling to?

Situation 9: When they give suggestion on your problem
Friends : Hey I reallie appreciate your help, it works and thanks for da support
Lovers : Dun act as though you know everything, you doesnt know how i feel

Situation 10: When they say they're sorry for their mistakes
Friends : It's okie,we forgive and forget, that's what friends are for..
Lovers : Sometimes sorry aint enough or sorry is kinda late?You sure you're sorry?

Situation 11: When they write a special message/dedication for you
Friends : Wow,that's so sweet from you
Lovers : Another message/dedication again..

Situation 12: When they start to complain to you about anything
Friends : Listen tentatively
Lovers : Em,yeah..uh..okie..den..so?Alright..

Situation 13: When they needed your care and attention
Friends : Anytime & anywhere
Lovers : Stop acting like a care & attention seeker please

Situation 14: When they say you spend too little time with them
Friends : Sorrie been busy lately
Lovers : You're suppose to understand that we doesnt need to meet everyday?

Situation 15: When you argue/raising an issue with them
Friends : Okie,let's get this over,talk and talk..
Lovers : Keep quiet and IGNORE!!

Situation 16: When you're moody or having a bad temper day
Friends : I'm sorrie I'm having a bad day,stay away..
Lovers : I find it so hard talking to you, run away..

Situation 17: When they dun agree with what you are doing
Friends : Think twice about what they say
Lovers : Why you always thinks you're right?

Situation 18: When they wanna tell you how they feel about you & them
Friends : It's a heart to heart talk session
Lovers : Cant she stop talking?She's talking too much

Situation 19: When they complaint about you spending too much time with the other party
Friends : You know,girlfriends?I just dun wan them to talk n talk n complaint!!!
Lovers : You're suppose to understand my situation..

Situation 20: When they ask how important are they
Friends : Friends are important and how can I lose you gals..
Lovers : Love isnt all da thing you have in your life, stop asking..


Lol okie that's all da 20 situations where I can think and above whatever I mentioned is how I think or in a way experience, aint complaining about her, I heard this before also from friends around me and it seems that there's always a different treatment between friends and lovers. Why?Probably we're more comfy and open towards friends and as for lovers, we take every words and actions seriously cos we CARE too much. For me da best solution that I have been reading from magazines is to accept your girlfriend as a friend as well, it just another extra word "girl". As being a girlfriend, I got problems as well talking to my girlfriend, reason would be we are kinda stubborn when comes to communicating. At times she might be joking but i'm not, sometimes mayb i joke but she's in da bad mood to take it. We need to adjust and compromise a bit here. We are humans, sensitive creatures, accept da one you love with an open heart, if you have doubts or complains or anything, share with them, I'm pretty sure da one you love would be willing to listen to you. If they dont, force them to listen to you. Let them know how you feel about everything and of cos some things are better left unsaid(actions speak louder than words,sometimes!)

I confess that I doesnt practice what I mention here so that's why it got me into this bad situation right now, she may not be here to read all this, yet I hope one day she understands me, everything I do may not seem right or may seems irritating, how am I gonna know if you doesnt let me know?I kinda dumb at times,whatever I see I take it as da fact.I'm kinda slow in reading between da lines or swim under da sea to understand how's da real situation.

Sorrie for this stupid thingy,anyway end of this friends vs lovers session,next one coming up in few minutes..have fun people and a great day =)

Live Life Happily =P

Morning morning my bloggie..after through da ups and downs and also da nite in genting, yesterday I had a hard time thinking about me and her, whether what was the main problem between us?Why I kept thinking she's da one who have changed?What's da reasons behind all this?Why am I being so easily sensitive and emotional?

I guessed finally I got da answer d..i guessed la..I think I sendiri cari pasal also, right now she might be a little lost about what she wants cos I felt that da one who changed is me, last time she wasnt totally mine and now da difference is she's my gf, she's MINE and what happens is that I got possessive over her cos I'm definitely afraid of losing her, not that I dun trust her, it's because I dun trust myself and also da gal sleeping next to her(she knows who am i taking about), dear do you know how hard is it for a gal to accept her gf sharing da same room with another gal especially is her ex?and most importantly she still love you, that's why i'm so scared dear, i know you want her to be your friend and aint easy for me to accept a good fren of urs who's ur ex who's still loving you..u know jealousy happens naturally??Anyway again i do welcome and accept this fren of urs with my open arms for you..

I told myself that I doesnt wan myself nor u to upset because of my sensitivity and I couldnt change da fact she's ur ex and she's ur fren and she still loves u, I know I cant and what i can do is to trust you and myself, I know recently I was reallie reallie down cos I'm lost, I didnt where I'm heading n I totally lost confidence in myself.It was a long and difficult time I had and I was like alone going through all this, I reallie wish you were there to give me da support and protecting tim for this creepy situation I was experiencing.

Anyway these are da reasons or watever it is that I think I got problem with myself la, right now I just wanna get over myself and stand up, get da confidence that I lost, trust her and myself, nomatter right now she's lost or watever it is, I dun care d, I just wanne be who i am, live life happily my motto should be continue to practice kan?I mean being upset and den down den sensitive den influencing da relationship, wat's da point leh?

At da end she feel pressured and "fan" about me, anyway I hope I get it right this time about this, it's like I sendiri cari own problem to trouble myself and end up I figure out da solution as well..pretty funny uh?Hopefully I answered my own problems and it's settle..right now I just sit n wait for her to tell me wat she wants,doesnt wanna ask or seek any explaination, sometimes not everything has a reason for happening and got explainations geh right?

Who am i to her is important for me to know yet she should let me know naturally, ask when there is a need without any force would make her and I feel better, isnt?

Glad that i'm back to who i am, da brand new sammie shall live life happily =P it's reallie happie to have you around with me*love you dear*

Changed...

Today is my MC day..in fact I doesnt wanna take MC geh but my senior colleague was like encouraging so that she could take her annual leave as well.haha so okie la I wanted a rest also after being sick for da past few days..everyday sitting under da air con with my jacket is not enuff!!I think i need to get a heater and put it next to me to warm me up..keke..Still wondering some things in my mind..has things changed?is it me or is it she..haih..i dunno

Love Me Love Me Say That You Love Me..

If there is one day,
Where I left without a word,
Where I stop answering your calls,
And I didnt reply your messages,
You may think that I doesnt care about you anymore,
And it's not because I stop loving you..

Just want to tell you that da reason wouldnt be as simply as you thought..

It's just because I want you to love me..

Sick and Who Cares =~(

Yesterday was having a bad sorethroat and i guess i was complaining to everyone whom i speak to cos it was reallie tat pain man..and now earlie in da morning, i'm down with flu and headache, been napping once i get up da car and also da bus and can i nap in my office now?Hehe how i wish right now i'm on bed sleeping cos my eyes are so tired and i feel drowsy with da stuffy nose >_< anyway it's another work day so I will survive through da day*faint*anyway who cares whether i'm down with whatever sick right?haih..sam sings "all by myself~~~"

I'm like repeating da yu heng's yi ran she peng you,jj lin's down and janice's never let go(english version of tai kor) like dunno many times d..anyway reallie nice songs n once i like it i wouldnt mind listening to it again n again geh =)

Happie Sick Day to Sammie~~how i wish right now there's a hot honey lemon in front of me*dreaming*and of cos hope she's here la sui lou..

Back..

Dont you miss me for not writing these days?*Sam whispers actually i'm da one missing this blog!*Anyway guess da questions that might be asking would be how's sam these days after those incidents?Is sam still unhappie?still worrying?still waiting for da answers?Well just to let you know sam of cos got a little bit unhappie cos over da incidents seriously tis time da hurt is different, i could feel my heart stop beating for a moment and i questioned myself what do i want to do?This is her attitude tis is her, i told her i would accept whoever she is cos I love her and now am i doing it?It's true that carpicorns and scorpios match and they need to compromise over each other about themselves, now i get this right about both our characters..like wat i say I'm a person who search for answers where if my questions r not being answered, i felt ignored or hanging in da air, as for her , she doesnt like to explain everything she does cos she feels that it's not neccessary to speak out everything, who's right n who's wrong?Conclusion:NONE is just that different people have different attitude, so we shouldnt blame why she's always seeking for an answer or why she doesnt speaks at all..isnt?Rationally thinking about this, we just need to work this out by compromising, one learn when to speak and one learn when to keep quiet.When comes to emotionally, when our heart controls us, everything seems different cos we tend to look things at one corner only, so we will need time to settledown ourselves, sorting out for solutions. After these days, I found out i was totally mad about you, afraid of losing you, do you know last time, i remembered once i was thinking how will i react if one day you leave me?or one day i found out u leave me because of another gal?Then i understand when we start to love someone so much, we're so afraid of losing him/her cos he/she has been part of your life(aint pressuring on anything ya!), den I did feel i was kinda possessive about you, indirectly I was like asking you to report to me or checking on you(but da main purpose was wondering n worrying about you), anyway i do admit if i make mistakes and I'll learned from them and i hope from here you learn about me as well, I aint asking you to change and dear to live together with someone forever, you need to give out ur love,understanding,trust,compromise and lots lots of things, it's not easy and it will unless you try. Currently learning about how to give n take at da right time and right amount, no more no less, having a balance and hopefully everything will go smoothly ya. Love can make you crazy love can make you losing yourself and when you're being loved, you'll be back who you are.

I Love Jas Cheng!Dunno she love me bo!!?!Hahaha...

Break Time..

Whoever is reading this,I'll stop this blog for a moment and continue writing my diary in my laptop, da reason is I'm writing this blog cos of her,my dear and I think I reallie write a lot there where it seems like a e-book or a novel and probably she wont even read it, so wat's da purpose right?Since she has made da decision to have a cool off, don’t worry I'm okie with it, cos it's better for her to understand what she wants and who she wanna be with, let her find her happiness and if she thinks that she found it in me den dear dun worry I'm always here to wait for you.

As for me, life moves on and works still goes on, of cos there's upsets and tears, just let it be I know this is for her own sake then I feel glad about it =)

Thanks to you dear for watever it is and sorrie for everything too..do take care and do love you >_<

Nothing to Say Already..

So sad to know how to think about me, you think I wanna cari or korek back things to say is it?I so sum tung knowing it, reading da message in da office, couldn’t hold back my tears, colleague asked me wat happened I say I sick got runningnose and headache, I still got an hour to go, I told myself to tahan till da last minute, dun shed a tear in da office, I still do my work as it is.

Dear, if you think I always wanna win and ruin da relationship, I have nothing to say. I wanted to have a quiet nite where we can tell out how we feel about each other, I wanted to tell you so much about everything that has been making us down..you didn’t seem to give us a chance..you didn’t seem to bother about me..

It seems to be my fault again, it's alright..tis time I'll keep quiet and let you do da things you want and hopefully one fine day you realise da misunderstanding in between..

Hope that you'll realise and found out that what i want is you and not winning over you, it's priceless to have you in my life and it would be a great loss if i were to lose you..I doesnt wanna win in our conversation, i wanted ur feedback so much that seems i'm da one keep on talking and winning..da truth is I didnt wanna lose you..

Moody and Scary Night

Yesterday wasnt a good day d..being moody den went out yam cha with chin and pick andrea from work den we sat in da car listen to me sighing da whole journey,sorry gals for making u gals feel down and fan of my sighing and by da way thanks too for da dinner chin*da wor tip is absolutely great*and also you drea drea. Was walking back home from da guard house(around 2am?) den heard someone whistle at me so I turn around n saw someone walking kinda far from me(I was kinda blur so I didnt take a look who is it),then I didnt care who it was just continue to walk, walking half way I started to get scared cos da fella seems to be stalking me, following exactly where I'm going and getting nearer and nearer. I was freak out!Den started walking faster and da fella was still behind my back till I was in my block already, da fella was right behind me den I turn out to da road on my left den da fella just walk fast fast and I wait till da fella take da lift up only I dare to go up alone, quickly quickly open da door n lay down on my bed, cant believe how fast my heart beats and reallie wanted to message my dear but come to think of it she might still be angry about me den I just calm down myself and went to Zzzz...seriously it's scary in da middle of da nite walking alone..how i wish u was there hugging me dear..i huggie my panda whole nite tight tight..

*If I Can*

If I can,
I would hold your hand and look into you,
And let me tell you that I wanna live my life with you,
I would wanna listen quietly to you and your heart,
And let me tell you that I'm here with you.

If I can,
I would wanna know what has been making you worrying,
And let me hug you as tight as I can to ensure everything would be fine,
I would wanna talk to you,
And let me say sorry for pressuring and not understanding you.

If I can,
I would wanna make a wish on da brightest star,
And say please let me bring happiness into your life,
I would wanna flush away your tears and upsets,
And make your day as beautiful like spring time comes.

If I can,
I would wanna be forever with you,
Going through the ups and downs together,
Cos that's what lifetime partner does to keep us together in love.

Talk?

You may have something in your mind that you need time to think about and you doesnt know how to tell me, it's okie, if you need da time and space for yourself, do let me know okie?All you need is to tell me and I would leave you alone to settle yourself.If you doesnt know how to tell me den probably you can drop me a message or a mail, just a word or two okie?Hope that everything is fine for you and please do take care of urself, it doesnt mean I dont care for you, I bought a pack of gastric and headache stuffs for you to keep in case if you need, will pass to you if you're coming, by da way aint forcing you to come tonight, do you when you feel you want to..

*May God bless you in da pink of health and good luck for ur results*dont make da assumption i'm repeating my words of complaining k?it's expressing..aint explaining anything*

If you doesnt know how to talk to me verbally,you may write something here..it's free for u n i to speak out =)

love ya..

Untitled

Hello..morning to you,been thinking a lot during my free time about us and I feel so helpless right now cos I'm confused about myself and I guess u might feel da same too.Yesterday we so called had an arguement and I felt that it was my very first time raising my voice so loud on you, I'm sorry if it hurts and I wouldnt explain much,here I wanna say sorrie to ser wey cos she was in her outing clothes waiting for us and last minute I told her da plan was cancelled, I felt reallie bad cos I was da one arranging this outing and at da end I'm da one telling her it's cancelled, I was pretty mad cos you actually knew that you gals gonna send wai ling to da airport, u knew it was gonna be da day den you should have let us know for us to prepare that da plan was gonna cancel, do you know ser wey sounded disappointed when I told her wat if da plan is cancelled?Okie, you said that you didnt know wat time she gonna leave, actually it's not wat time she gonna leave tat matters, it's you should have told us that you might need to send your fren off so you aint sure whether you can make it or not, I felt funny though how come you didnt know wat time wai ling was gonna leave cos dont you gals met everyday?Probably it was another last minute notice, I know you felt sorry and bad too for ser wey, I didnt know what I was so mad, all I knew was I could feel that you wanted to send her off so badly and at da same time you also wanted to bring ser wey to get her dvds, you were stuck, I knew I knew you doesnt feel good and again I just dun understand why I was so mad, do you know I was rushing like hell from work back to home and I need to chase after my family asking them stop shopping cos I need to go back home?I felt bad that I did that while ting was enjoying her shopping(she's been sick for so many weeks and few days ago she went to da doc, she's having 2 weeks MC,she look so pale sick), conclusion about yesterday is that next time if you feel or you know that you MIGHT have something on den let me know, I'll try to arrange da best time for you, if you doesnt tell out, I wouldnt know what plans you have k?

I'm done with yesterday's thingy, I do reallie hope tonite you'll come over where we can talk, I know you dislike talking and explaining about what you think what you feel and what you do and may I prompt you a question, when you're with your frens, dont ya do that to them?At times I feel that your friends are reallie luckier den I am, cos they get to see you almost everyday, they get to talk to you, they get your attention and you're willing to listen to them. For me, it's different d, last time you would reallie feel hurt when you see me cry, you'll be afraid to see me mad, you'll worry when I'm back alone, da love and care that you gave me was so sweet and things seems to change d, right now when I'm mad/cry/we have arguements, you doesnt care about da situation, you doesnt bother to know more and you doesnt wanna talk either. Your favourite phrase to me is "Why do you always like to talk and explain so much?" Dear, I'm a gal who have emotions and feelings, I wouldnt know how you feel or think if you doesnt talk to me, tis is da main point that keep our communication hanging in da air, one likes to talk one likes to be quiet, when problem happens den?We just stop and let it hanging in da air?I seriously wanna move on and forget about da incident about da "run away" but I doesnt know why that I was reallie deeply hurt on da incident, I couldnt accept da runaway, I know you felt bad and you said sorry but you didnt explain or reassure me anything, again you're expecting me to know how you feel and think and what you're doing?Dear, it's been so many months we have been together and how many times I tried to understand your situation and I'm sure you did da same to me also, there are times I need security I need assurance from you and that's why I wanted you to talk to me, I'm not asking you to be a criminal to explain and admit your offences, I want us to communicate, let both of us know how do we feel about each other den.

What time I go to work?what time I offwork?What time I reach home?How do I go to work?How do I get off from work?Which department I'm working?How's my work so far?How's my family(family got some problems lately)?Each time you message or call, all you wanted to know is what's been happening to friends around me, you just doesnt seem to ask me " how's my lou por today?careful when you go back..where are you now?" Is it because you doesnt love me already?Feelings changes towards me?Or is it because your time is fully occupy with friends and there's no slot for me?You would have time outing and dinner and yam cha with friends no matter where is it, but you seem to have problem getting some time for me.How does that feels?Aint complaining about your friends, give me some attention and care also.

Do you know you're a great girlfriend?Before all these happens, you were so caring, you would spend time with me whenever you can, though you're tired of coming to my place yet you would come over at times to surprise me and make me happie?your messages and calls were so sweet =~~( i miss you so much do you know?I been crying these days cos I'm afraid..I doesnt know whether has your feelings has changed for me?It's no longer getting stronger nor growing more?Right now I'm prepared for da day you gonna leave me if you want to..I know that it's gonna hurt..and I remember I told you that your happiness is my happiness, do what you want as long you're happie, I know you would think a lot and it's okie dear, if you wan to leave for your happiness, dun hold back and I just wanna say that people says that we reallie fall in love with da one once in our lifetime, I would dare to write it here that if it's a true statement den da person in my life would be you.

Maybe you have lots of worries and things to ponder about in your life, making you feel lost and you didnt wanna tell me cos you doesnt know how to talk to me cos of my stupid attitude or being a bad listener, I'm sorry that I wasnt da right one who's there for you, I tried..I reallie did but mayb in da end my stupid attitude ruin everything, da reason I talk a lot cos I wanted you to know how I think, I doesnt wanna keep you hanging in da air like me, I dont wan you make wrong assumptions, I doesnt wanna upset or hurt you...n at da end you say that "I talk too much"

Right now over here I doesnt know what to do already, I reallie hope to solve this problem and let's move on, aint a big deal and I would need your help for this, would you wanna go over this problem with me or you wanan leave?I doesnt know..I'll be waiting for you tonite no matter wat time, dear I do love you so much..can we keep this love going on n on?every picture in my future there's you and every word I say is true, I'm not asking you to pity me, I'm asking you to love me..

Never think that you're a bad girlfriend, you're perfect to me, just that you doesnt realise, do you know that I have never been so happie in any relationship till I found you?What's da reason that makes me feel to settledown this time?It's you dear..you gave me da strength and da support that I want to move on with what I want now, you taught me about freedom and space, you taught me that sometimes words are unneccessary,action speaks more, you taught me to be simple and be protective to myself, you taught me to be tough, you taught me about love in life..

You're special in your ways and I never tell you, I hope here I get to speak out to you that every people have different views on every issue and every person, no matter what people thinks about you, in my life and love, you're da one whom I love and needed da most, I may have say this often till you doesnt realise how true and important is it..

Appreciation is something we shouldnt be forgotten, dont take love for granted, love when you do and care when it's real, everything that I'm saying and does is from my heart,for you..

I doesnt care what happens, all I care is will you be here to go through this with me?
I Love You..I do..

Only Heaven Knows..

Morning,I'm gal in black today,why?Cos I'm wearing black from top till bottom,why?Cos da color you wear everyday describes your mood of da day and today this is how i feel "black", reason is simply because I'm pretty emotional since this morning, I can feel da tears in my eyes that can drop anytime, I felt hearbreaking and kinda upset to know that no matter how much I love her, at da end she have doubts on whether she love me or not, how would you feel if u were me?Since da start of the relationship, I was reallie happie that finally we got together and told myself that this time dun let such a perfect person go, felt that it was a miracle being with her cos it's my very very first time where I could reallie be comfy when she's around and where I could feel "love and be loved".In my past relationships, frankly speaking, this is my first time having such strong feelings for a person. Another questions pops up in my head which is "Love=pressure", when you love someone too much, she may not get it as love, she may define it as pressure/possessive/controlling/force, when two person get together we dun see things like how others do(especially frens), da reason cos it matters a lot how our partner thinks,speaks and acts and in contra if it's a fren, we wouldnt bother so much, so tis is da big difference between a partner and a fren, we could spend hours and days with frens and doesnt get bored about it BUT we couldnt do so with our partner, reason?I doesnt know either..for my dear travelling to my house is a super mega far and time consuming journey but if it's a gathering with frens or meeting up with her pals, it's definitely a yes yes going and not a problem at all,reason?I doesnt know again..frens are important i know and different people have different priorities in life and I know when's she out with her frens,she'll tend to forget me and if she was given a choice to go out with her frens or me, she'll pick to go out with them, I'm kinda use to this cos I accept her priorities in life yet I'm sorry to say at times I do get emotional because of this, I mean not a problem at all going out with friends and feels tat they are important but dont u feel i'm being neglected in da terms that I may feel as though i'm not important or i'm positionless compared to them?I know I shouldnt do so..but naturally it comes and it's so hard to control myself, lately been crying before I sleep cos I couldnt get things right about myself, I doesnt know who am I to u and to myself, I'm confused about how I feel and how u feel, dont get me wrong about this k..again i stressed I'm not complaining..i do reallie wanna tell u exactly how i feel and seems like there's no time for us to have such a discussion and i'm always afraid to tell you how i feel cos u mayb stressed up easily about tis..i reallie doesnt know wat to do but to keep myself bz nowadays so tat i got things to distract about myself and so i dun kacau u..how i wish u're here with me now..

Huge Big Mistake ^_^

Dear dear..after having such a great conversation with chin i realised da huge big mistakes that I made, that's why I name tis article with da same name..hehe I'm starting to learn more about us where I guess I never reallie understand myself either. I didnt know that how selfish and emotional I was, behaving like a kid and yet say that I'm mature*Oh gosh*Okie I do admit about my faults and human makes mistakes in their life as well right and all I hope is being forgiven by you and hey you make silly mistakes as well..hehe okie we shall correct them and be a better us and wish that everything will work out for us okie?Just wanna say I'm sorrie and I seriously do love you and I promise that I wouldnt wanna hurt you anymore~Lou kung I love you and hope you love me too.. =)

Running Away..

Crying with my heart so pain now, I never tot that this day would actually happened to me, I doesnt know how to start writing this as my tears are falling down on my laptop, i cried from da shopping complex till da taxi till i didnt wanna go back home, i stayed in da garden n let myself cried over and over and over till i decided to control and hold back to get back home as i doesnt wanna get back home late alone there, y cant i stop crying?Cos my heart feel so pain, my girlfriend, my dear da one i love da most actually run away from me with her fren(also known as her ex), i didnt insist you to teman me go gym, i didnt mind going there alone to work out but reallie could take it that you pull her off away from me, i know u're worried that she might do anything to me, well it's already few months after and she still loves you, i bet she wont do that at all!i bet tis with everything i have!!We are grown up and should handle it with a mature way, n u know what it's you who is scared of her, I DOESNT!and y do u need to be so good?cos u're scared of losing a good friend?I reallie dun understand, YOU DIDNT STOOD FOR ME!I'm reallie upset..how could tis happen?It's not about love or break up or watever, it's about you yourself..i'm tired and going to bed now..nites

Happie Happie Sunflowers Day

It's a happie sunflower day!Why?Cos today is da day where my dear surprised me with sunflowers where I never never never tot that she would buy for me, no one could reallie feel how happie am i cos it was totally out of my expectations!!Thanks dear tis time you reallie did surprised me and I'm so glad and thankful to have you!Look at my happie sunflowers, arent they pretty?Oh yeah, before i forgets, today is my first day working ya and everything seems good and people there are friendly and nice, well it just my first day so cant jump into any conclusion, anyway I'm still very happie about my sunflowers!!!Love u dear so much and dont ya ever think u're useless and lazy, we must admit that most of da people have their own strengths and weakness so dun let any failure to stop you to do anything, I'll be pushing your back and making ya move ahead with me cos remember our dreams and goals are just right in front of us, dun be afraid of falling cos you have me beneath ya and u're not useless k?For me, you know you can do it, is just that you need to overcome those fears in you..try ur best and no matter how you'll have me with you k?love u dear and u're always da best!happie sunflower day again! =)

Love & Passion for Da Future

Sitting here in da middle of da nite while listening to da crowd out there screaming out for their world cup teams to goal, being thinking of how to make money out of money and of cos working is one of da ways but doing or making business isn't a better way as well?To earn a little more for ourselves? I was kinda pretty surprise why this issue came up to my mind?Probably because I'm gonna work and another phase of life is getting a change where I have dreams to fulfill and goals to achieve, I do pray to God that I aint a greedy person, I dont need to be da richest person on earth, I just need to be rich in da sense that I could earn da money for da house, da car, da savings, da expenses, da travel, da family and also for my dear, isnt sweet when you walk with your partner and dont ya wish to see her smiling when she gets to buy da stuffs that she wants?For me it's a yes, whenever I goes shopping with her, I like to see her buy things to(I wouldnt mind to pay) cos I feel happie seeing da glow on her face for getting what she wanted for, been wondering about our future and guess no point wonder, should start working on it right?Keep up da spirit and I believe happie go lucky!Careful driving dear from where you are back to ya home and lou por always love you..