Only Heaven Knows..

Morning,I'm gal in black today,why?Cos I'm wearing black from top till bottom,why?Cos da color you wear everyday describes your mood of da day and today this is how i feel "black", reason is simply because I'm pretty emotional since this morning, I can feel da tears in my eyes that can drop anytime, I felt hearbreaking and kinda upset to know that no matter how much I love her, at da end she have doubts on whether she love me or not, how would you feel if u were me?Since da start of the relationship, I was reallie happie that finally we got together and told myself that this time dun let such a perfect person go, felt that it was a miracle being with her cos it's my very very first time where I could reallie be comfy when she's around and where I could feel "love and be loved".In my past relationships, frankly speaking, this is my first time having such strong feelings for a person. Another questions pops up in my head which is "Love=pressure", when you love someone too much, she may not get it as love, she may define it as pressure/possessive/controlling/force, when two person get together we dun see things like how others do(especially frens), da reason cos it matters a lot how our partner thinks,speaks and acts and in contra if it's a fren, we wouldnt bother so much, so tis is da big difference between a partner and a fren, we could spend hours and days with frens and doesnt get bored about it BUT we couldnt do so with our partner, reason?I doesnt know either..for my dear travelling to my house is a super mega far and time consuming journey but if it's a gathering with frens or meeting up with her pals, it's definitely a yes yes going and not a problem at all,reason?I doesnt know again..frens are important i know and different people have different priorities in life and I know when's she out with her frens,she'll tend to forget me and if she was given a choice to go out with her frens or me, she'll pick to go out with them, I'm kinda use to this cos I accept her priorities in life yet I'm sorry to say at times I do get emotional because of this, I mean not a problem at all going out with friends and feels tat they are important but dont u feel i'm being neglected in da terms that I may feel as though i'm not important or i'm positionless compared to them?I know I shouldnt do so..but naturally it comes and it's so hard to control myself, lately been crying before I sleep cos I couldnt get things right about myself, I doesnt know who am I to u and to myself, I'm confused about how I feel and how u feel, dont get me wrong about this k..again i stressed I'm not complaining..i do reallie wanna tell u exactly how i feel and seems like there's no time for us to have such a discussion and i'm always afraid to tell you how i feel cos u mayb stressed up easily about tis..i reallie doesnt know wat to do but to keep myself bz nowadays so tat i got things to distract about myself and so i dun kacau u..how i wish u're here with me now..