Failure..

Yesterday standing next to the train track, waiting for my train to come, suddenly da word 'failure' strike on my mind about myself. I realise I was a total failure in life. I couldnt manage my life well, couldnt ask my dear to stay, making a whole mess of my close friends' life, unplanned for my career & future, stuck with debts & financial aint stable.Sigh, being so naive that life was kinda perfect where everyday I wake up feeling da love from my dear with a direction towards our goal/dreams, felt I was da luckiest gal on earth having her by my side.I was totally in love!

And now, losing da love make me directionless, I'm alone now where I didnt know where to go. Do I belong to this place is another question?I feel tired & breathless sitting down here where everything seems grey & life isnt good at all. I have no one to blame on but myself.Everything is down n down for me. Where is da laughter that I always have on my face?Where is da cheerful Sam?Where are my goals or dreams?I fail to live my life & how could I love her when there's nothing I can give her?

Had some problems with da best & closest frens and again I found out another problem with me, another mistake that I made. I seem to have a communication problem, da over openess & friendliness of me makes people misunderstand me. I might be trying to please everyone that I could or mayb indirectly I'm trying to make everyone to like me?I doesnt know da answer ya.As a friend, I hope to be a good & nice one where when you need me, I'm there with you giving da support you need & we hang out together doing all da crazy things that we can BUT I aint a flirtatious person k?Calling nicknames or darling or watsoever doesnt give any direct message that I wanna flirt with you.Now I understand why my dear thinks I'm flirtatious, no matter how many times I defend myself saying I'm not yet she's still doubtful about it.Okie, finalize this, I got a communication problem!!I shouldnt play with this kind of words where not everyone thinks alike me.I should have understand & place in some limitations about this to avoid misunderstanding.I'm so sorry to you people if I ever interfere your life about da way I communicate,I'm so so sorry. I doesnt mean to hurt or upset anyone in my life especially my dear.

I would need time to understand to know more about myself, so dont be surprised that one of these days I'm asking about what do you think of me?describe me?Cos I wanna know more what sort of impression do I give to u gals.I would reallie appreciate some feedback,good or bad jst let me know.At least, I dont wanna repeat da same mistakes over n over again gua.It may be late to change yet it's better den never(lol defending myself!)

Lately, I'm da one sitting down listening to people where I would shut my mouth n listen to others.I talked too much for attention & not giving any chance for people to talk at all.Haha,now gals,whoever you are, it's ur time to talk where I'll listen.

Awww..I miss her so much,missing her huggies & kisses..I wonder does she miss me too?

*Dear God, thanks for listening to me & thank you God for giving her da ptptn loan that she wants,though she's a bit upset she manage to get half of da loan, God pls forgive her upset, I hereby thank you cos it's better den nothing & we should appreciate all da blessing from you.Thanks GOD!Please forgive us on all our mistakes & sins we have made.Right now I would need ur blessings on her results,please please please let her pass & lead us da right way to da right path.God,both of us are a bit lost where we doesnt know where should we go,give us da enlightment & show us.Thanks God for everything you have given to us & shower us with love & support.In da name of Jesus,Amen*