I'll Never Get Over You Walking Away, I Thought I Have It All & At Da End I Realise I Have Nothing More

I woke up in da morning with a sad heart,swollen eyes and looking around my room. Saw da flowers she gave me(1 for valentine,1 for my first day of work & another for my convocation),hugging da tarepanda she bought for me frm da SS2 pasar malam, watching da pictures of she & I in da purse she bought for me(as christmas gift), carrying da bag she gave me as a new year present, wearing da purple crystal bracelet she gave me as da first time using her salary to buy me a present & da most heart breaking is da ring she gave me on my birthday.

Yesterday, 13th August 2006, finally I broke down in front of andrea and chin, my first time crying so much & hugging drea telling her that I do love jas, I reallie do. It was my first time dare to admit that I'm a coward as well, I dont dare to face her cos I dont dare to accept da fact & truth that she doesnt love me anymore, she doesnt have feelings for me already. I'm too afraid to know this cos I couldnt accept that her feelings has fade away for me.

10 months ago, I still remember every single thing, every single place we go, every joke we crack, every gifts we exchange, every care & support, every love we gave..everything is still in my mind. Yesterday she messaged "I hope you will enjoy your new life".Does she know that I doesnt have a new life now?I'm still living in hell, thinking about us, I didnt know what happen and what cause us ending up like this. Even if i'm wrong yet I doesnt know where's my mistakes.I was just left alone in da middle of da endless road.

She may think that no matter how hurt or sad I am, I'll have friends around me. Yes, I do have them with me but what fills up my mind is you,jas cheng. I thought I have everything I need, I got a happie family, starting up my career, great friends hanging out with me and da best girlfriend.

So naively, I thought that when feelings are there, everything can be solve.I trusted god and fate so much. Thought life & love was fair, I knew giving and taking will not end up da same amount yet I felt everything was so beautiful for me when I have you dear. Now I realise that I never had this much of pain & hurt in my heart before,I never did. It's still very pain,very pain & there's nothing I can do but to let this pain go on and on.

Thanks to friends who has been with me, I truly appreciate your care & support. I have been avoiding myself for da past one month with hopes that everything will be fine, thought she would give a second chance to this relationship, giving my fate to her by believing she still love me & that's da reason why I went out as much as I could cos I didnt wanna go home alone, looking at everything of us & spending time thinking about us.

Today,now is da time back to my home, being alone in my room, time for me to drown myself as much as I could. I felt tired, very tired.I woke up with migraines,with headaches,with worries,fears & a sour heart everyday,so scared she'll let go of me..I couldnt take it seeing her walking away..imagine my happiness & love & future gone..how does it feel?

Tears running down from my eyes just how rain falls, heart feeling da pain that I never did, I knew this time did hit me hard, I fall deep in love this time..

Wish I could write more but I couldnt cos tears are rolling down again..shall continue later k?

I love her so much but why...

*Thanks for da lovely flowers, dont reallie care whether you wanted to give it to me or not yet as long it's from you, I reallie do feel sweet*