Jealousy..
Topic of da day is jealousy..Pretty scary uh tis word?!It was a scary word for me cos of my first relationship.I remembered cleary that 6 years ago,in my first relationship,I was a horrible person!I had a very bad tempered,gets moody & emotional very easily,dependent on my partner like a parasit & jealousy was like my surname.Imagine that >_<
Those were da days & I started to changed since when my first relationship ended.Of cos I learned & changed from each relationship with my partners & friends as well.I'm glad & thought that I was able to handle jealousy well and yesterday I realise I wasnt or it is normal to be jealous at times?
Imagine you walking into your girlfriend's room and you realise that her ex-gf is sleeping next to her everynite on da same bed,how would you feel?Thinking about each day, both of them spending days & hours together.I aint doubting or saying about their friendship & what I'm trying to emphasize here would be I'm jealous about it.She didnt realize that when I saw da cat(Chi Chi) which belongs to da bitch & my cat(Sam) was being ignored next to her, I actually took da Chi Chi and threw it on da floor.I was mad,jealous and furious!I asked myself what am I doing?Why did I reacted this way?
I admit I was wrong to do so, it's her property, it's part of her room as well so I shouldn’t have done it right?I'm sorry!(admit my mistakes when I'm wrong)BUT opening da door,looking at my own girlfriend, next to her I see another gal's pillows,booster and watever dolls, immediately I was moody. I controlled myself, I knew I couldn’t afford to sleep next to my girlfriend cos da jealousy was there.I couldn’t stand myself sitting in da room as well, so I came out from da room & sat in da living room questioning myself.
My heart(emotionally) and my mind(rationally) was debating with each other.One would say how could this happened?Arent they suppose to be just friends?Why do they need to sleep on da same bed?De other would say hey if u trust her den why are you doubting & being jealous?they are just friends "right"?maybe she have a valid reason?Finally, somehow somewhere I calm down myself & said to myself, stop debating among myself & ask what I wanna know. She woke up and I asked yet though da reason wasn't reallie that acceptable. I accepted it as it is cos I didn’t know what else could I do. If I were to continue jealousy & being moody, am I creating another issue here between us?We just started to get back together,trying to smooth da relationship, do I wanna spoilt it again?
I told her I was jealous about it when she drove me back home & as usual I told her by sms(as you know I usually doesn’t tell her my dislikes/I tell without saying it face to face).No reply nor response from her, I guessed she was very tired already da whole day we went out & so sorry that need you to drive here & there, aint near at all plus you only slept like 3 hours, guess I was a little over playful to have fun with you. Sorrie didn’t "tai tip" about that, I would be more aware of this next time =P.What I reallie hope is she got my message correctly, I'm jealous cos she still love you & I know how much she wants you desperately & I doesn’t know what she has been doing behind my back to you & as your girlfriend+friend, I doesn’t wanna control your privacy,life,freedom & space so I trust you to have your capability to handle your situation yourself.I was glad to see two separate beds though "yeah,it doesn’t mean nothing couldn’t happen" yet I thought good you make da first move to have a better clean break up with her but den ystday I knew both of you continue sleeping next to each other.It was a emotional breakdown(not in terms of tears),it's anger+jealousy=moody,get it?I think what I need my dear to understand is put your feet in my shoes,imagine if you were me,probably you'll understand me better.
I have being trying to accept da bitch(sorry for calling her this,she hates me & it doesn’t mean I like her k?)existance & how far can I take it is a big question!I feel that no matter how much I can take it,it depends on what my girlfriend is doing as well.Is she making da moves to let da bitch know is a clean breakup that they are just friends?Did my girlfriend ensure to me that it's reallie nothing between them & watever da bitch does,she doesn’t bother?It's not only da sleep together thingy that cause da jealousy, there are also minor minor stuffs as well too.Em I feel that in such situation,I need some support from her.I doesn’t wanna repeat to be a horrible person k?I'm jealous cos I love and care about you & at da same time I don’t want this jealousy to control my emotions as well.
No matter how dear,if you're reading this, just doesn’t want you to misunderstand my message, it's not a protest or throwing my tantrums again, I'm just jealous...
Those were da days & I started to changed since when my first relationship ended.Of cos I learned & changed from each relationship with my partners & friends as well.I'm glad & thought that I was able to handle jealousy well and yesterday I realise I wasnt or it is normal to be jealous at times?
Imagine you walking into your girlfriend's room and you realise that her ex-gf is sleeping next to her everynite on da same bed,how would you feel?Thinking about each day, both of them spending days & hours together.I aint doubting or saying about their friendship & what I'm trying to emphasize here would be I'm jealous about it.She didnt realize that when I saw da cat(Chi Chi) which belongs to da bitch & my cat(Sam) was being ignored next to her, I actually took da Chi Chi and threw it on da floor.I was mad,jealous and furious!I asked myself what am I doing?Why did I reacted this way?
I admit I was wrong to do so, it's her property, it's part of her room as well so I shouldn’t have done it right?I'm sorry!(admit my mistakes when I'm wrong)BUT opening da door,looking at my own girlfriend, next to her I see another gal's pillows,booster and watever dolls, immediately I was moody. I controlled myself, I knew I couldn’t afford to sleep next to my girlfriend cos da jealousy was there.I couldn’t stand myself sitting in da room as well, so I came out from da room & sat in da living room questioning myself.
My heart(emotionally) and my mind(rationally) was debating with each other.One would say how could this happened?Arent they suppose to be just friends?Why do they need to sleep on da same bed?De other would say hey if u trust her den why are you doubting & being jealous?they are just friends "right"?maybe she have a valid reason?Finally, somehow somewhere I calm down myself & said to myself, stop debating among myself & ask what I wanna know. She woke up and I asked yet though da reason wasn't reallie that acceptable. I accepted it as it is cos I didn’t know what else could I do. If I were to continue jealousy & being moody, am I creating another issue here between us?We just started to get back together,trying to smooth da relationship, do I wanna spoilt it again?
I told her I was jealous about it when she drove me back home & as usual I told her by sms(as you know I usually doesn’t tell her my dislikes/I tell without saying it face to face).No reply nor response from her, I guessed she was very tired already da whole day we went out & so sorry that need you to drive here & there, aint near at all plus you only slept like 3 hours, guess I was a little over playful to have fun with you. Sorrie didn’t "tai tip" about that, I would be more aware of this next time =P.What I reallie hope is she got my message correctly, I'm jealous cos she still love you & I know how much she wants you desperately & I doesn’t know what she has been doing behind my back to you & as your girlfriend+friend, I doesn’t wanna control your privacy,life,freedom & space so I trust you to have your capability to handle your situation yourself.I was glad to see two separate beds though "yeah,it doesn’t mean nothing couldn’t happen" yet I thought good you make da first move to have a better clean break up with her but den ystday I knew both of you continue sleeping next to each other.It was a emotional breakdown(not in terms of tears),it's anger+jealousy=moody,get it?I think what I need my dear to understand is put your feet in my shoes,imagine if you were me,probably you'll understand me better.
I have being trying to accept da bitch(sorry for calling her this,she hates me & it doesn’t mean I like her k?)existance & how far can I take it is a big question!I feel that no matter how much I can take it,it depends on what my girlfriend is doing as well.Is she making da moves to let da bitch know is a clean breakup that they are just friends?Did my girlfriend ensure to me that it's reallie nothing between them & watever da bitch does,she doesn’t bother?It's not only da sleep together thingy that cause da jealousy, there are also minor minor stuffs as well too.Em I feel that in such situation,I need some support from her.I doesn’t wanna repeat to be a horrible person k?I'm jealous cos I love and care about you & at da same time I don’t want this jealousy to control my emotions as well.
No matter how dear,if you're reading this, just doesn’t want you to misunderstand my message, it's not a protest or throwing my tantrums again, I'm just jealous...
posted by Sam @ 8:52 AM
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