I Still Cries..

Yesterday night before we went to bed,we were sms-ing each other and suddenly da word "Sorry" came up from her again,lately she has been apologizing and saying she know I was hurt and pain about what has happened.She didnt explain much, just that she mentioned she didnt mean to hurt me.Probably you may say "Why wanna forgive a heartless person?" "Do I remember what she did to me?"

Each time when I recall back about the incident,my tears naturally falls.Why?I doesnt know.I only know that my heart still aches when think of da question "Why?".There's too many why that I could bombard her but I didnt.Some questions even you or I wouldnt know how to answer.Things could get out of our control if we doesnt know what to do or we were in dilemma.That's how we make mistakes.

Do you know that what's da meaning of sorry?Some will say it for da sake of making de other person feel better and some will say cos they feel they need to.I hope you're saying it not because you wanna me feel better.I wish da reason you're saying it because you understand & you felt you were wrong.I remembered that day when I called you and questioned you,you didnt even felt da guilt at all.It seems right for what you have done.That's why I hated you at da moment.I couldnt believe you would gave me that response.I was waiting for a explaination,I was hoping a regret from you.I aint that cruel to curse & swear to you.

At that moment, I declared myself as insane,I didnt know what was rationality,I remembered clearly when I sat down calmly on your bed and questioned you.You didn't doubt it.What I could do at da moment were to throw whatever I see.I couldnt control my feelings,my tears and my actions.I couldnt even feel da blood dripping from my hands.All I could feel is pain,hurt,betrayal,lost of love and trust.I broke down on my knees lying on da phone with one question "Why?"

I took few days to resume myself fighting with my rationality and emotionally.Soon my hatred for you stop cos I realise da more I hate you it's because da more I love you.I couldnt stop myself thinking about u,us,our dreams and promises.Till today, I still dun dare to read back every messages you send.Sam aint brave enough uh?*lol*Eventually,I took things lightly where I doesnt wanna care so much about how I feel for you cos it's too obvious already.Now, I aint da one who wanna decide how this relationship gonna be.I doesnt wanna plan or control nor predict.We started together naturally and end miserably.For now,we shall let things follow as nature does then.No force,no control results in no stress and pressure.Good right?

I would admit that before this I was too anxious and stress about settlement,I forgotten she's still young.She may still wanna enjoy and play around.I was too absent-minded about that love is everything and by now,perception change.It doesnt mean she's no longer important,is just that I have my career where it leads me closer to stability in financially and also to my dreams meanwhile we shall see how things gonna work out for us.If we are meant to be together,we will else we wont.

Question : When you're lonely,afraid and you wanted someone with you so much,who shall that be?

Answer : She/He will be da one you trust and whom you feel you can depend on.