Define Commitment

How do you define da word 'Commitment'?I'm pretty sure that everyone has different intepretation about this and we have different priorities about it too.So how much commitment can you put in a relationship?How far can you go?And are you willing to do so?

I grew up in a conservative world where love was pure and naïve.I love you & you love is the important key in da relationship.Once I named you as my partner,I would expect commitment will take place naturally.Trust and loyalty are da main commitment that one should give in as a security for each other else what’s da point of a relationship?

But now I realise how da society is changing about this,there's still minority of people who still thinks conservatively and how about da majority?Well,some of them takes relationships as a need,whenever I need someone,I'll just find her cos I know that she gonna be there for me(also known as spare tyre?).Some would officially say "Yeap,she's my girlfriend" while hunting for other new & fresh people around with da reason young & playful.Some selfishly wants da best from everyone, so they just take their love grantedly and da last category of people(which I can think of)are da ones who are afraid of commitment,reason?Afraid of responsibility and doesn’t wanna be tied down.

What I see from myself and others around me,do feel pityful that why people are changing to this unhealthy lifestyle or relationship?In a way it sounds correct for them to do so cos they're seeking for da "right" person for them by choosing and trying but in a way,it sounds horrible where I dun feel da respect to them at all.

Da word commitment seems to be scaring people for not falling into a relationship.It sounds like a death note where once you're in,you can never come out.

Even if there's a commitment in a relationship, it doesn’t guarantees anything.Commitment doesn’t assure you that your partner is not gonna leave you one day or finding someone else or flirting behind you.Commitment is like a 'trust' or a 'security' where your partner want you to have it so that you'll feel secured and confidence with da relationship.

At da end of da day, everyone here are afraid of loneliness,we doesn’t wanna grow old and die with no one by our side,we doesn’t wanna be alone when we're down and stressed.Though it's true that we doesn't depend on others to exist and yet we need others for us to carry on.Anyway,whatever we are doing now,believe me,when times flies and we grow old,we would realise what we have missed.

Commitment isnt about responsibility,burden or frustrations,is about how much you want da someone to have faith in da relationship with you.

As for me,wont be expecting a lot from love or relationship.I fall deeply once and still havent manage to pull my leg up.A fren asked me,what's so attractive about her?I answered "Da power of love,I guess?".Life is full of ups and downs,da least you expect da less disappointment you get and in da end,watever miracle or surprises that happens,it's bonus or luck.

I wouldn’t change who I am from what has happened.I never gave up on her and I don’t know why.Love?

Da Old Emails..

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S.H.E : 爱我的资格
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把手放了 我也许会比较快乐 我也许会换个情人

我也许不会在撑 真的够了 能不能让雨别再下了

能不能让心别再疼了 能不能不要开灯 我们的爱跟着你小的剧本

出现了越来越多的角色 我是你什么人 如果不是情人

是不是不要再浪费我的人生 你比我更清楚 你对我多好 多温柔 多认真

不构成爱我的资格 除非你只看着我 想着我 只有我 爱本来就该独一无二

为你伤心多一点 少一点 流下的眼泪都一样不值得 世界上那么多人 只有我

一个人 能拯救自己的快乐 不要再为你哭了

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*-Da End-*
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Was checking my mails yesterday and I have a folder inside where I do keep some important emails & I realised I kept da mail she use to wrote to me last time!Da confession mail,oh how sweet is da mail and seriously reading da mail,you could feel da sensitivity of her!Anyway I guessed that's da past already.

Ever since bumping back into her last year,as a fren or a lover,I do feel da change in her.She's being more self protective towards herself where she's being more practical about her life where materially will serve most of her needs.Some people may think she is money or branded minded but as someone who knew her 4 years and together for a year,I believe she's not.Da reason why she is so money or branded minded is because she feels that all this could pay back or replace da pain she has experienced.Maybe I'm being sensitive cos my heart tells me there's too much unhappiness in this person.She's not being who she reallie is.She's forcing herself to change to someone that it's not her.She doesnt like to be herself.

I dunno how true or correct about how I feel.Hope that she could share what's in her heart and mind with someone she could trust else all this sadness & burden will just hide and accumulate in her heart.It's time to free up urself dear.

Well,da lyrics I posted here is da lyrics that you message me four years ago =) sweet?

Have a sweet dream of us tonite..

First Time

Yesterday was her first time raising her voice that MAD at me,my tears started to flow but soon it stop because at first I felt hurt,someone whom I dearly love was in a way scolding me(*childish!!!*) and half way through I was listening to every word she say.

She says I sounds defensive and self-centered where I doesnt listen to others & I only want people to listen to me.Guess what?I knew this attitude of mine long long time ago and I couldnt find da reason why I would behave so.Da only possible reason I would say is that I'm a attention seeker.At times I'm depressed with myself & feel disappointed myself.Yeah,I may sound very optimistic but da actual fact who am I outside and inside is kinda differ cos I dislike showing others my weaknesses inside.I was taught to be strong no matter sky falls or lightning strikes cos no one is gonna be by my side.I wanted you to listen to me cos I'm always afraid that you doesnt care about me.I'm afraid that you'll forget me some how.

Sorrie if I did hurt ya or offended ya with this attitude,indirectly I didnt mean to ya =) Anyway your words and messages I have listened and understand them very well.No worries if there is any misintepret or misunderstanding this time.

I'm use to be a lone ranger.Walking and going everywhere alone.Since young till now,I doesnt have much close friends around me.I can speak well & seem to be a social person yet I still feel alone.I never reallie feel da "support" that I want where I can let go of my burden and lie down on someone when I'm tired and sad.This may be da reason why before this I would prioritize love and relationships so much.

I used to think like a kid where love is everything however as life goes on with so many changes especially in da one I had now.This relationship change my life,my thoughts,my hopes and my trust as well.I learned to be more practical that love isnt everything.Yes,we do need love at da end of da day but love isnt as simple as we want to.We wanna live life happiely and love simply sweet but reality doesnt allows us to.Yet I'm grateful & never regret about this relationship,it did test me on how much I could scarifice for a person.Glad that I found da answer.Everything happens for a reason,good or bad depends on how we see it.It doesnt matters how you think,most importantly what's the outcome?

I was telling some close frens about this that I'm happie that finally she release herself about me?*Lol*Yeah I know it sounds pretty silly but it's true.I was waiting for her where she could be more open up and talk to me.Through out da relationship,we didnt dare to speak out what we want to cos we doesnt wanna hurt nor see each other sad.This cause fears inside us and became da obstacle for us to communicate,I guess?*haha*Too many things are based on what I think,impossible that everything is true.

I'm very release that I have this blog,a special corner for me to drop my emotional feelings here before I go insane?Guess everyone have their different ways of expressing themselves,mine is by words where I can write anything I wan to without restricting myself at all.Cool!

My colleague has left da company and I'll be taking over her place to lead da session,da coming days should be getting busier and hope there's future advancement in wat I'm doing now.Good luck!

For her,hope she's handling her stress well else da person gonna suffer is not only her but frens beside her.She never realise whenever she's moody,she would scare everyone away!Haha,we couldnt turn back da time as everything has happened,as da clock ticks,time is passing by before we realise,dun waste your time sitting there blaming yourself and others of what's gone when you can use da time you have now to reach close to what's in front of you?No matter how guilty she feels nor how you gonna throw your tantrums on her,she just couldnt give you what you have lost.Tis blame/burden will only tear you down and bring you grey clouds above ya head,what's da point?*Grow up la dear*

If you were to blame her that she make a wrong decision for you and den she brought you da pain about love.Should I now be hating you on what you have done?Dont bring da anger and sadness till da end of your life.Life's too short for all this.This is what I learned from da pain you gave me.

Do what you feel is worthful for you,no matter how lost you are,you still have your heart and mind with you,if you feel you need someone to be by your side,take a look at your queuing list,I'm sure my name is da first there.

Searching..

Been sick throughout da day,took MC to stay back home for a rest,wanted her to care and seeking attention from her,unfortunately I dont.She didnt even give me a call to hear nor to ask how am I.I was da one checking out on her,wondering how's she,her assignment and her moodiness.Sam oh Sam,is it neccessary for you to do all these?What do you want in return?

Seriously I doesnt know,I just wanted her to gimme a little care.Probably she's stressed up with her studies and as usual she would have forgotten me.Times likes this would pull me down,making me feel like I'm nothing to her.Just wanted someone to care when I'm sick.Guess it's right not to have expectations cos da more you have da more disappointment you'll encounter.Another new lesson shall learn from today.

Learning to hang on to myself no matter how much I needed her cos I know this is not what she wants now.Would put a little distance between me n her and will hold back my feelings as I'm reallie afraid it's coming back again.

I used to compromise where I felt I compromise too much.I used to give in where I have give in everything I could.I used to say watever I want to where I guess I speak too much.I have done almost everything that I have promised you,with no lies,I reallie did da best I could for you.It's time for me to sit back and see,to reallie understand what are da things that I see in you,what have you gave me and how do you feel about me.All this while,it seems to be one sided,where it comes from me.Reality?I doesnt know cos you never say and never show.Your actions and words seems to be differ.Da truth?I believe you're da only person knowing da answer..

Gonna get back to work tomorrow,lots of things gonna follow up before my new colleague is going off..Hope she handle her assignment well =)

Stress and Frustrated..

No one has ever use da word stress and frustrated to describe about how they feel about me until she does.This two terms is always use to say how she feels with me.The other term she use to describe my personality is "yam sing".Anyway I got no comment about what she thinks about me.

Wouldnt fight nor defend about myself,would accept and will try to know why is this terms used on me?Am I that horrible or scary?I doesnt know.It does upset me,however,rationality overcome my emotionally,telling me to take it and digest it.That's it,doesnt need to take it too personal else I'm making a hard time for myself.

She's very phobia about me ever since I messed up her room & please dont be afraid of me just because u're afraid I'll do it again.I aint da incredible hulk okie?At tat moment,what I did and react was normal.It's only a release from me.What's more inside me,you doesnt know my dear.I aint as strict and as scary as u think.I lost my temper meaning my temper is lost,in case you misunderstand what I'm talking in here.Doesnt know how to get mad already.Just wanna take everything easy n simple.

Questions and Answers

Yesterday went out with her and daniel,daniel kept asking questions and opinions about his relationship cos he felt something is wrong and it make him feel down.While talking to him,at few times I was looking but most of da times I wasnt.Reason?Didnt want her to misunderstand what I'm trying to tell him.Hopefully she does realise what I have been doing all this while for her.

Daniel gave me a shock when he asked me what can he do to keep his boyfriend loyalty towards him.How I wish I knew da answer too.Recently,I learned da meaning of loyalty.I used to think there's only one definition for it where when you have a partner and you only love & stay with your partner without any flings or flirt outside den you're consider loyal BUT now let me tell you da rest of da definition I found out.

First situation,your partner loves and cares about you very much,he/she will call or msg you everyday telling you how much she feels about you,he/she wanna spend da lifetime with you but he/she do flings/flirts/sleep around with others and no matter what,he/she only turn back to you.Isnt' he/she loyal towards you?

Second situation,your partner is having you and another gal,he/she couldnt make da decision of choosing who cos he/she doesnt wanna hurt anyone in da relationship and he/she always tell you that da one who's making him/her happie is only you and he only feel da love in you.Isn't he/she loyal towards you?

Da term loyalty has too many definition,is just how you define it and how you can accept it.If you're willing to scarifice everything with not hoping for any return den loyalty shouldnt be any issue at all and if you're someone who doesnt want your love to be taken grantedly & selfishly,probably you would have lots of confusions.

In relationship,most of da time,there's a giver and a taker but bear in mind that when da giver gives too much and da return is pain.Da giver would only feel tired and sad.Appreciate what and who you have.Aint easy to find someone who stands by you whenever you need them.Dont take them grantedly as they are not your spare time nor spare tyre nor just "a no- one".It's true that who doesnt like to be loved and pampered all da time?Yet got to remember to love and pamper those who showered it to you.

If love can be bought with money and material,it could last just for sometime and da happiness that you get is a temporary one.What's reallie happiness is da love that comes naturally to you with no price.Love isnt dependency nor companion.Love is about trust, care, support, dreams, hopes and future together.

People who got bad experience or hurt in relationship before may wanna give up about love or prolly thinks that true love never exists.Well I doesnt know.As what I gone through,I still wants my true love,I still believe it's her.How I wish I could cry in her arms,I really want to.

Remember I'm good in looking at pictures and describing about people?Why I didnt wanna describe about our pictures?Because I didnt wanna let you know that there's still sadness in my eyes.. and I still love you

Sometimes da way I adviced you may not seem right or doesnt sound good at all but I reallie wanna let you know watever is it,it's for your own sake.You should realise I have never harm you nor try to hurt you cos I do care and sayang you.Reason I would be strict on you on certain matters because I wanna you to learn more and to understand more.It's okie if you would misunderstand cos tat's what been happening most of da time.It's reallie fine with me.I rather you'll learn & misun me rather den continuing being stubborn =) as long you're safe and warm and happie..wat can I expect more?

Memorable Songs

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Shania Twain : You've Got A Way
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You've got a way with me,
Somehow you got me to believe,
In everything that I could be,
I've gotta say-you really got a way.

You've got a way it seems,
You gave me faith to find my dreams,
You'll never know just what that means,
Can't you see... you got a way with me.

It's in the way you want me,
It's in the way you hold me,
The way you show me just what love's made of,
It's in the way we make love.

You've got a way with words,
You get me smiling even when it hurts,
There's no way to measure what your love is worth,
I can't believe the way you get through to me.

It's in the way you want me,
It's in the way you hold me,
The way you show me just what love's made of,
It's in the way we make love.

Oh, how I adore you,
Like no one before you,
I love you just the way you are .

It's in the way you want me,
It's in the way you hold me,
The way you show me just what love's made of,
It's in the way we make love.

It's just the way you are..

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Janice Wei Lan : Love Me
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Wish you'd bring me candies,
When I feel lonely,
Dream that you were my husband to be,
In 365,
All I ask is one name it after me.

Wish you'd write my name on your favourite palm tree,
Look in my eyes,
Love is all you can see,
Night and day I dream that things are the way before will you love me more.

Where, when and why did you make me cry,
Loneliness has become another part of life,
Tears running strong and angels have gone,
Don't how to carry on.

Baby i need you now,
I need your arms to hold me tight,
Tonight please turn the lights down low,
And feel my body glow whisper and flow.

Oh baby i need you now,
I need your strength to hold me down,
Tonight the world is out of sight cause you are all that i've been searching for,
The way you make me feel adored..

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*-Da End-*
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More Than Words

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Westlife : More Than Words
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Saying I love you,
Is not the words,
I want to hear from you,
It's not that I want you,
Not to say but if you only knew,
How easy,
It would be to show me how you feel.

More than words,
Is all you have to do,
To make it real,
Then you wouldn't have to say,
That you love me,
Cause I'd already know.

What would you do,
If my heart was torn in two.

More than words to show you feel,
That your love for me is real.

What would you say,
If I took those words away.

Then you couldn't make things new,
Just by saying I love you.

It's more than words,
It's more than what you say,
It's the things you do,
Oh yeah,
It's more than words,
It's more than what you say,
It's the things you do,
Oh yeah.

Now that I've tried to,
Talk to you and make you understand,
All you have to do,
Is close your eyes,
And just reach out your hands,
And touch me,
Hold me close don't ever let me go.

More than words,
Is all I ever needed you to show,
Then you wouldn't have to say,
That you love me,
Cause I'd already know.

What would you do,
If my heart was torn in two.

More than words to show you feel,
That your love for me is real,
What would you say,
If I took those words away,
Then you couldn't make things new,(no no)
Just by saying I love you.....
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Well wondeirng if she would remembered when was da first time I sang this song?Probably she might have forgotten?Anyway,been kinda free today so was surfing da net for some songs,been quite some time didnt listen to english songs already,cos most of da time she would prefer to listen chinese songs and eventually I got influence too.Gonna download some of da old english songs that I love and get myself back into da love mood.

Some people may be confused whether we are friends or lovers?For me,my answer would be either go ahead ask her else it's no status/undefined.I doesn't need to say much about how I feel for her and dont ask me da question "Why?".There's no exact answers when it comes to relationship and remember what are the consequences for everything we does.

Countdown 48 days before my BIRTHDAY!!=)

Cheated By Who?

Yesterday I was being cheated!By who?By asiatravel site =P*haha*.Anyway remember I was saying that I booked da hotel rooms through da site,waited few days for them to call me and end up they didn’t so I gave them a call with a guy picking up da call,saying wrong number.Immediately via online,I cancelled my booking and luckily there's wasn’t any surcharge or deposit to be paid else I gonna sue them!(*say only*).Well glad that da beach hotel still have rooms available so I booked da rooms through da site with one way ticket to Johor Bahru through Airasia to save time where we can check-in da hotel by 11am already!Cool right?

Was kinda afraid how da hotel gonna be so been asking around my friends in Singapore to check out about it and so far da comments are okie.Good location,happening place where there's lots of food shops and shopping complex around,near MRT(walking distance) and convenient to travel around.Sounds nice?Let's hope it's a average hotel,since it's only a two-star hotel pricing at SGD90.00,cant be expecting a lot right?Singapore friends was ensuring me that hotels in Singapore is different from Malaysia where we have those reallie bad motels and hotels,theirs is better.So people,I'll be there to check out and report back here and again n again please give me a good night stay there okie?*Thank God*

I'm looking forward for da trip d,time to clean up a bit my luggage bag and here I come Singapore.It's reallie perfect to spend Christmas and most importantly my BIRTHDAY with you dear.It's absolutely superb!It's my mini dream come true~so what da lucky book says is true,I would be travelling this year but only somewhere near.If watever da books says is true den it's reallie all my dreams come true.

Okie dear,listen here,I aint gonna hint what I want for my birthday(*psst*I myself also don’t know what I want either*lol*)so you shall take ur time and figure out what to buy for me ya =P and as for da rest it's 49 days to go for my birthday!!!*Jolly jolly*

Here I Come Singapore!

Good Tuesday Morning bloggie,it's da second week of November and few days ago,finally I have booked da Beach Hotel in Singapore for Christmas and birthday celebration.Yes,it's finally!Anyway,no confirmation yet from da website agent whether is there any available rooms and will give them a call today to ask else shall book da Oxford Hotel.So depends on fate where we gonna live,just as long we are able to make it to Singapore this year please!

Sounded desperate for this trip right?Haha for da reason I remembered da last time I went there,I was in da first or second year in kindergarden,which is like 5-6 years old?So,I totally forgotten how's da place and da only thing I remember was during tat time,Sentosa Island was only in da middle of construction?*Lol*Okie okie,I know I know I sounded like a rural area gal coming out to da city.If everything goes as it plans,this would be my first time out of da country by myself and it would be her first time to Singapore,cool uh?Some first time for both of us.Guess right now,this is da motivation for me to move on with my working days.

Most of us here knows about Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Burberry, Prada, Hermes, AIX and etc but how much are we willing to spend on these brands?There are few types I assume,first one are da ones willing to spend to purchase branded & good quality goods,second are da ones averagely spend on these where they'll buy once in a blue moon and lastly are da ones who doesn’t bother nor care about branded or quality of da goods.So which type are you?

As for me,"currently" I'm da second type of person,why did I highlight da word "currently"?Cos I hope I could be upgraded to da first type of person*Muahaha*One of my dreams or goals is where I could own something from each branded names in da world.It's not because I wanna show off or wanna be a branded-freak.Is just a self-satisfaction that I'm able to do so.I truly believe you pay for da price of da quality.Getting a clothing for cheaper price den you get da so-so quality,paying more you get da better quality and more lasting one.Agree?

Anyhow,I aint bias about whether people prefer branded or non-branded goods,it's up to you about what you want but bear in mind about your capabilities as well.Only purchase branded stuffs when you have da money to do so.No point buying when you know you cant afford to do so.As for now,for me,I only buy them,one for a month,just as a gift to myself for working(*Lame excuse*) and of cos got to be practical too.Buy what you need & not what you want cos it's normal for gals that theyw ant everything or mostly everything in da shop without thinking how much it's gonna cost us so no matter how much your devil tells you she/he wanna wear Prada,be rational about money.Money is all about hard work and it's hard to earn & easy to be gone.Practice save for future,save for own expenses+others and save for shopping!

Remember work/study-rest-play-enjoy!I do encourage that while working or studying,we got to have self control about time and management while resting and enjoying our time too!Dont just sit there and let time flies.Go have fun while you're young and be smart about it ya!Love you..

If We Didnt Met..

Yesterday she messaged me and say if I didnt met her,maybe I'll be more happie.Looking at da message,small little tears drop on my face.She didnt now that how much I hope that she would say "Meeting me is da best happiness she ever had".Most of da time been listening to her about how long could I love a person?Is is possible for me to find another one?why am I giving so much?How I wish I have da courage to say my answers to all da questions is you.

Yes you hurt me,you betrayed me and you gave me da most & most painful time of my life.Remember few days ago,I told you there was once I was sick for few days and couldnt turn up to work?And you asked why I didnt tell you?It happened da day after da "incident".On da day when I knew what happened,I went over to my chimui's place to hang out and drink till I felt numb.Your housemate didnt know how to drove me home,I suggested her to drop me somewhere for me to grab a taxi.Drunk and vomittin around on da road,luckily I got taxi & I just slept towards my journey till I reached home.Upon reaching home,my gastric pain was reallie pain till I lie down on da floor.It wasn't da pain of my gastric that make me feel sick,da pain from my heart was drowning me with tears and sadness.I remembered that night very well that I kept asking da question "Why?".I didnt understand why did you do so?Was I bad or did I treated you badly?Was I causing bad times and making lots of frustrations?Da pain & hurt eventually got over my hatred.I didnt know how to hate you.All I knew was I love you & I believe you love me too.I gave my heart & trust to you & I trust you did too.If anything down and upset happen to us,I would wanna try my best to find da solution for us.Avoidance aint gonna help us.Probably da more I wanted to settle,da worst da situation gets.

This is something that you didnt know which happened to me on da day on da nite.Sufferings and pain I gone through reminds me of how much I actually love you.This is also da reason why I didnt hate you and forgive you,simply because I knew that for da past years being through few relationships,different people different background and different character,no one did move my heart and make me realise that how much I could fall in love with someone,how much I wanted to be by ur side day and nite,how much I wanna be urs where I could be ur wifey doing things for you,how much I wanted to make our dreams come true with our car,our house,our doggies and etc,how much I wanted to succeed in my career to have a better home for us,how much I miss you when you're not around,how much I wanted your support when I down,how happie am I when I see you smile,how eager am I to grab all da things you want to see you happie,how I wish I could turn ur grey skies into sunny days,how I wish I'm there with you always and you're da one I truly love.

With all these,you want me to find someone else?you want me to love another person?What's love?I believe in love so much when I'm with you.I felt loving someone is accepting her as who she is without any boundaries.I did.Maybe you felt pressure that I was being too good to you.If yes den I'm sorry.At times what I say and do may doesnt seems right but trust me that my motives are good.For now and later and till da end,I know I love you.I know I need you.Somehow,I doesnt need you to pity me.I want you to love me and to need me as well.

Anyway,love isnt a question for you to ask me anymore as da answers are clearly there.I doesnt seek for answers now as I guess they will come to me eventually.I dont expect anything from you either as I just wan you to concentrate in your studies.Sorrie at times I may sound like a nanny to you for da reason I doesnt want you to get out of control and ruin yourself once more.Aint gonna pamper so much like I did cos it will only spoilts you.

If you found someone whom you love and someone who loves you too,dont be afraid to let me know.Still remember what I expect from you?"I just wanna to see you being happie".Whether I'm da one or not,it doesnt matters,as long from far or near,I know you're happie =)

If we didnt met,I never know what's love & happiness..thanks dear!

1st November 2006

On 31st October 2006 night,was preparing to bake cake for my dear,this is da 2nd time I'm doing this as I promised her before that I would bake a birthday cake for her every year.After work,rushing to grab da ingredients and went over to my friend's place for da kitchen and tools,happily and anxiously making da cake.Da kitchen was like in a total mess!*Haha*Flour,sugar,eggs and butter seem to be covering here and there and my hands was nothing but oily.Anyway,I do enjoy this session.I doesnt know about others cos as for me,I enjoy cooking,baking,buying or just anything for my dear.Though this year da cake didnt turn out to be da butter cake that I wanted it to be(*Sigh*It became sponge cake =\ big big disappointment).Glad that you're still willing to see and to eat da cake.Though it's a priceless birthday gift,hopefully you could feel da love & effort I bake with it =)

Been thinking and planning for weeks about how to celebrate birthday with her and yes I think I'm a bit too obsessed where other people doesnt go around surveying with others about special birthday celebration and yes I DO!Love giving surprises,seeing da shock on da face and da best is da smile(Cos I love surprises too!).Unfortunately,poor little dear started getting sick few days ago and on her birthday itself,she was reallie down with fever and tummy wind problem.Sick on da birthday is reallie something bad.After getting some rest in da noon and a visit to da doc,I'm grateful she felt better and recovering.I always feel bad when she's sick and yet she still need to drive to see da doc while I feel uselessly sitting next to her when she's da patient.Em got to train up my driving skills as I doesnt wanna be useless anymore!=P*Blek!!*Luckily we still managed to have dinner and a movie together as a celebration,though simple,I felt "lucky" that we could spend this day together.

Frankly,I never though that she could celebrate her birthday with me,after all who am I right?And I thought that I'll just drop a birthday wish message,that's all.So that's why I put da word "lucky" there.However,it doesnt mean that she spend this day with me cos I'm a V.V.I.P k?Wish you enjoy da time being spend together.

Happie Birthday Dear,another year older shall reminds you that ups and downs happening for da past one year.Hope you're happie about da ups and learn to be stronger from da downs.I wish you a happie happie birthday with full of smileys on ur face,money on your way,luck behind your back,chance in your hands,love in ur heart,health by ur side,success in you and anything that is best for you shall come to you.May all your dreams come true and for those dreams hat hasnt come true,just give some time for da angels above to fulfill them okie?God shall lead you da path to make sure you doesnt get lost.Dont be afraid to do what you want,just put in your courage and go ahead,just do it.Happiely I got to celebrate this day together with you & for I do wish that we could celebrate this day together for da years to come =)

Da last question you asked me yesterday was "Is it worth for me giving in so much?",this morning I woke up with a pop up question on my head,which is "What do I want?".So finally I replied your message with a question "Do you want this then?".Probably it would be a unanswered question and I don't mind.Now,I'm starting to smile cos why it she asking that question and hey it sounded like I want her more den she does,isn't?I aint sure da reasons for what I'm doing and I swear that what I'm doing and saying is cross from heart.Wouldnt know how she feels about me and I wouldnt even ask.When it's da time,she shall tell me how she feels.

It's obvious that da ex still loves her and who knows there might be still unfinished love between them?This is for them to know.I was reallie bothered by this kind of friend-ex-love relationship between them last time but I keep quiet where I trusted her that it's a plain friend relationship.After da incident,I didnt wanna bother anymore cos it's not under my control.Hey hey just saying what part of my heart feels.Aint creating any confusions here.I respect whatever decisions or choices she made cos everyone do have da rights to do what they like.

At da end of day,we just want someone whom we love each other by our side giving us trust and support.Someone who stays and support you through da good and bad times.Someone who wanna spend lifetime and dreams with you.Love is just a term,practically da word US is being exercise.