First Time

Yesterday was her first time raising her voice that MAD at me,my tears started to flow but soon it stop because at first I felt hurt,someone whom I dearly love was in a way scolding me(*childish!!!*) and half way through I was listening to every word she say.

She says I sounds defensive and self-centered where I doesnt listen to others & I only want people to listen to me.Guess what?I knew this attitude of mine long long time ago and I couldnt find da reason why I would behave so.Da only possible reason I would say is that I'm a attention seeker.At times I'm depressed with myself & feel disappointed myself.Yeah,I may sound very optimistic but da actual fact who am I outside and inside is kinda differ cos I dislike showing others my weaknesses inside.I was taught to be strong no matter sky falls or lightning strikes cos no one is gonna be by my side.I wanted you to listen to me cos I'm always afraid that you doesnt care about me.I'm afraid that you'll forget me some how.

Sorrie if I did hurt ya or offended ya with this attitude,indirectly I didnt mean to ya =) Anyway your words and messages I have listened and understand them very well.No worries if there is any misintepret or misunderstanding this time.

I'm use to be a lone ranger.Walking and going everywhere alone.Since young till now,I doesnt have much close friends around me.I can speak well & seem to be a social person yet I still feel alone.I never reallie feel da "support" that I want where I can let go of my burden and lie down on someone when I'm tired and sad.This may be da reason why before this I would prioritize love and relationships so much.

I used to think like a kid where love is everything however as life goes on with so many changes especially in da one I had now.This relationship change my life,my thoughts,my hopes and my trust as well.I learned to be more practical that love isnt everything.Yes,we do need love at da end of da day but love isnt as simple as we want to.We wanna live life happiely and love simply sweet but reality doesnt allows us to.Yet I'm grateful & never regret about this relationship,it did test me on how much I could scarifice for a person.Glad that I found da answer.Everything happens for a reason,good or bad depends on how we see it.It doesnt matters how you think,most importantly what's the outcome?

I was telling some close frens about this that I'm happie that finally she release herself about me?*Lol*Yeah I know it sounds pretty silly but it's true.I was waiting for her where she could be more open up and talk to me.Through out da relationship,we didnt dare to speak out what we want to cos we doesnt wanna hurt nor see each other sad.This cause fears inside us and became da obstacle for us to communicate,I guess?*haha*Too many things are based on what I think,impossible that everything is true.

I'm very release that I have this blog,a special corner for me to drop my emotional feelings here before I go insane?Guess everyone have their different ways of expressing themselves,mine is by words where I can write anything I wan to without restricting myself at all.Cool!

My colleague has left da company and I'll be taking over her place to lead da session,da coming days should be getting busier and hope there's future advancement in wat I'm doing now.Good luck!

For her,hope she's handling her stress well else da person gonna suffer is not only her but frens beside her.She never realise whenever she's moody,she would scare everyone away!Haha,we couldnt turn back da time as everything has happened,as da clock ticks,time is passing by before we realise,dun waste your time sitting there blaming yourself and others of what's gone when you can use da time you have now to reach close to what's in front of you?No matter how guilty she feels nor how you gonna throw your tantrums on her,she just couldnt give you what you have lost.Tis blame/burden will only tear you down and bring you grey clouds above ya head,what's da point?*Grow up la dear*

If you were to blame her that she make a wrong decision for you and den she brought you da pain about love.Should I now be hating you on what you have done?Dont bring da anger and sadness till da end of your life.Life's too short for all this.This is what I learned from da pain you gave me.

Do what you feel is worthful for you,no matter how lost you are,you still have your heart and mind with you,if you feel you need someone to be by your side,take a look at your queuing list,I'm sure my name is da first there.