Apologies Dear

I'm sorry for hurting you yesterday,I know I was out of my mind and I understand if you had enough & couldn’t take this from me anymore.I wasn’t expecting you to forgive me cos it's my fault.Ever since da argument incident between u and her,from da ring to da slap to back to penang to friendster,it does affect me but somehow I doesn’t say nor make any actions.I don’t feel a need for me to explain how I feel as I guess u were already in a messed up situation.That night you came over & stayed in my house,it was da first time I felt you're mine.When you held my hand,hugging you to sleep,it was a unforgetable feeling.First time I felt I am yours too but when you got back home & she was still there,things changed again as slowly you felt hurt & lonely that her heart is not urs anymore.I knew that if this incident didn’t happened,you wouldn’t ask her to leave,you wouldn’t be so mad & you'll continue with the 'no status' relationship with her.I realise I didnt have you.As for me,I just doesn’t wanna make you feel frustrated anymore and reality is I got a reallie bad self-control about my emotions.Anyhow,I'm glad if both of you have settled everything nice and clean.Things has been dragging between both of you since last April.Pretty long uh?Now you doesn’t need to worry she's leaving and you're losing your friends,you still have them with you.You're not alone okie?

These you were having your emotional times and you wanted time alone.I was having this messed up mind and I wanted you.How contradiction it was..and that's why I make a big fuss about it and here we are stuck in da middle of quarreling & cold times.I don’t know what else to say nor explain as these arent da words you wanna listen.You wanna be alone and I understand.You just wanna focus in your studies,I understand two.You doesn’t wanna talk about love,I understand three.Do hate myself at times where I know how to say I understand but my actions act differently.I said she's your dependency and sub-consciously,you're mine dependency.Alright,I need to adjust myself about this.

I agree with you that I make things hard,maybe I'm not as simple as I thought I am.I'm da one making things complicated and making myself feel worse.I doesn’t understand why I have so much time to wander here and there & making stupid and wrong assumptions.While writing this,da word 'Sense of security' came out,maybe this is what I'm lacking.I doesn’t have confidence in myself,I have doubts that you doesn’t need me and I have fears that's making me unhappie.I felt threatening in my position.Always afraid that I aint important to you & being a spare tyre/person.

You have done a lot for me,it's real.I knew most of da times,you bear with me for my stupid,bad tempered me.Dear,I hope that how you're treating me is purely from your heart and not because you're scared of me.I knew messing up your room da last time makes you phobia of me but I doesn’t want because of this phobia den you're treating me good.I want you to be you.I don’t need a perfect partner.I know I think too much.I'm sorrie.I knew after da incident,you changed.You try your best to be good to me & I doesn’t seem to be satisfied.I do my dear.I do.I may have complains but it doesn’t mean I don’t know what you're doing.Let my complains be minority and just listen to my compliments & praises to you?

I'm so sorrie that I wanna make you happie but I didn’t.I wanna be a understanding person to you but I didn’t.I wanna make your life easier but I didn’t.I'm very sorrie for da things which I wanna be but ended I failed.Sorrie that I talk too much just because I want your attention,I want you to listen and I wanna listen to you too.Sorrie for every argument,I always blame everything on you and making myself feel right.Trust me,every argument that we had,I feel bad twice as much as you do.t's true that I aint da right person for you and you're right,my personality doesn’t matches yours.Find someone who can give you da happiness that you're looking for.No matter where you are,as long you're happie & I'll be too,when you need anything/someone,you should know I'm here with you.I'm reallie sorrie dear.

Thanks for da good times,times that you gave me.I truly appreciate every single little thing that you do.Da care and support you gave makes me feel warm & knowing you're always right here with me.I reallie like da way you care about me.So never say you're a bad partner ya.You have your ways being a great person.Feel thankful that you loved me.

All the above is a confession from me,everything that I need to say has been said.You may think it's another repeating problem,another repeating story and another repeating explaination from me.I just want you to know that I'm sorrie.Will keep a certain distance from you now to let you have da quiet times.

And oh yeah,I remember about da commitments & not asking you to give any commitment to me.I just hope that you love me.Hope that you'll make a decision because of me.That's all.