Power of Dreams

Few days ago,happily me and my dear went to da Honda showroom.Our dream car,Honda City was there,looking amazing and reallie beautiful.We started asking the sales person about the downpaymen and monthly installment together with da interest rate.Then,I started to see my happily dear feeling down and grumpy.

Days went on and I can still sense her moodiness about it.When she look at others,she would questioned why are they so lucky to be rich that they could change or buy their favourite car anytime that they want to but for her,it seems like a million miles away.She would compare herself with people around her saying "She's getting a diploma only and she can own a car?And me?I doesnt know how much I could earn when I graduate?".Somehow,she would blame herself for what she cant get and feeling upset about it.

I cant say she's wrong for all this negativity.I mean who doesnt wanna be rich?who doesnt wanna get da car that they want?Live da life of a lucky one?But da world is about fairness.You get what you want and you'll lose something else as well.Life is just like shopping,you walk into a shop,you see something that you like,da next thing is you need to pay for da price to have it.

Dear,you cant push yourself so much about what you want.Setting a goal or a target for yourself is a great thing but remember da more impossible you think or feel,da worst it gonna get you.A car like Honda it's not a impossible dream to come true,you just need to stick to it and believe in your capability.It's true you're still studying but who says that you're not gonna own it for da rest of your life?Anyway,I feel that you should only start to stress on this when you're out to da working world because that's when you could start earning and saving.For now,you just need to focus on your role as a student,putting your efforts & studying smart to succeed is your part while remembering your dreams.Then,when you start working,it's time to make your dreams come true.

I just wanna let you know that your dreams are possible and dont be afraid of making them come true.We may face obstacles achieving them but never avoid nor giving up your beliefs.I believe that you are one of da successful people and you need da mind to be as well.Flush all your negativity away and plant more positivity in you.

You aint stupid or useless!you're just a little playful and lazy which is a norm thing for everyone,as long u control urself well,get da right timing to concentrate and reallie buck up to study,da future is yours =) and I never feel you're a burden to me.In fact,I'm happie that I could be by your side to support and motivate you.I realie feel proud and happie with you.I just couldnt find da reason why that you could somehow automatically bring me up when I'm down,cool me down when I'm mad and giving me da support when I need.Sounds like you're my angel!!*lol*Just remember I'm always here with you!!You doesnt need to worry so much about financial thingy,I'll tell you honestly about my money and we'll limit our spending when we need to & keep for what we 're longing to have!Remember this also,we'll still need to reward ourselves by da end of da day & I'll wait for your rewards*muahaha*Add oil ya!!I trust your ability and capability that you can do it!

Looking forward to see a cheerful and confidence dear*love you*

My New Baby*Sony Walkman MP3 Player*

Introducing you my new baby,born on 26th March 2007,my first Sony Walkman mp3 player!!!*Muacks muacks*Thank you my dear for giving me this.I didn’t expect any gifts from you,you know?I doesn’t mean that you doesn’t give me any gifts but is just that it never came into my mind about it.I thought you wouldn’t buy it since I kept rejecting by saying "don’t want la" and since you didn’t mention anything more on Sunday night so da mp3 player picture just slipped away from my mind.Surprisingly,you called me on Monday afternoon,asking me to choose which one.I was like "Uh?"*lol*I'm reallie happie to have it,I wanted to have it few years back but it was so expensive and da only thing that entertain me during my bus-taking or train-taking time is my handphone which only have 5 songs repeating & repeating but NOW,I have my sonywalkman,thanks to my dear of cos!Anyway,don’t feel bad that you couldn’t afford to buy me more gifts or buy me expensive gifts as I doesn’t mind.Sometimes small little gifts brings big smile on others =) and I wouldn’t want you to spend like lots just for a gift.

By da way,I realise I didn’t update my bloggie about matta fair.Few weeks back,we went to matta fair to survey the Hong Kong package.At first,I wanted to faint,knowing da prices with da package and airline,we couldn’t decide which one to take as each differs from one another.So,I went there da next day again to survey and finally made my decision!I felt reallie good confirming and paying da money to da agency,not because I have loads of money to pay.It's because one of my resolution came true!Remember I wrote I wanna go Bangkok and Hong Kong this year.Thank God!!We are reallie going this year!I hope we could reallie keep this up with our annual trips every year,wonder where's our next destination?*hhmm*lol*Too early to think about it*smack*

We gonna clear our credit card bills and save money to shop shop and shop!!She wants her Gucci & I want my boots*Don’t laugh at my big thighs again ah*I'm not perfect but I'm pretty!!*haha*

Pain & Alone

First of all,I wanna say sorry dear over the last post.I took it out cos it wasnt something that I wanted to post here,at that moment of writing it,I felt pain and frustrated.I felt so 'cham'/pityful that I was alone paining as no one was at home.I cried.I didnt blame you.I just frustrated over myself about da pain.I wanted to call you but I didnt wanna spoilt your mood neither do disturb you.I didnt meant to critize you.I knew you cared but physically & emotionally didnt allow me to be that understanding at that moment.I'm very sorrie dear.Yeah I know it sounds lame and late & you're upset about me but..but I dont know wat else to do but to say I'm sorrie =(

I know you were excited about da sony walkman mp3 player,you were thinking to buy or not to buy while I keep asking you not to and you wanted to know more about it whether what color would I prefer?is 1GB enough for me?why is it so expensive?and etc.I felt reallie happie & surprised when you first told me that you wanted to buy it for me cos*hehe*rarely you would say you wanna buy something for me*haha*and I'm sorrie that I didnt answered you in a good manner when you prompt me those questions.I was on my bed,rolling here and there struggling with my stupid period pain.I reallie couldnt focus myself about da mp3 dear.

Okie,I better stop here cos I'm getting a bit blur and what I reallie wanna say here is my sorrie to my dear about da previous post.I shall continue my work and hopefully get to ciao earlier.

Happie 17th Month Anniversary-"Gift?"

Argghhh..A stupidly misinterpretation happens yesterday between us and I was so mad & hurt till I said da word "Break up".Surprised why did I say so?It all happened when once upon a time..

Today is our 17th month anniversary and as usual,I would ask whether could we be meeting up tonight for dinner,at first she say ok but let her check her class timetable den when she have checked it's 10am-5.30pm,she say she cant,can we meet up on other days.I was upset and disappointed,thinking that it's another time we cant celebrate this day again.I know it's impossible to celebrate every anniversaries together but I do hope once or twice we can ma or let's just not say da word 'celebration',how about just meeting up for lunch/dinner or watever?It also depends on time and our availability as well =) Honestly,I told her my upset and probably she was very tired and stress with her revision,she was pretty mad about it and then came da phrase "You want me to fail again?" and I interpret as "I failed you?"

I was very mad at tat moment seeing that phrase cos I felt that I gave her da support she needed.I was really sad at that moment,thinking she blame her failure on me,cried non stop & thinking how could she be so cruel to me.Then we gone through da sms conversation to realise at de end that,all she meant was another thing and I say break up bcos I tot she blamed me!*Ish Ish*Pretty stupid right?

I know after this,she may still feel da hurt n thinking how could I simply just say break up over such small issues.What I wanna you to understand is I doesn’t mind if you comment or critize me on my own attitude,behaviour and others but I definitely can't take it when it's something I feel I did da best for you.I do hear and accept all da things you said to me.It would be reallie sad if someone doesn’t appreciate da good things you have tried to do.That's why da words came out from me,I meant no harm or hurt to you and I doesn’t blame you for saying me but I aint wrong too dear.Hope I can have your understanding.

And dear,I got to admit that if I were to compare now and last time.I'm much more happier with you now cos now it's when I could feel you reallie love & care about me.I do complain to my butch simpanan and my chimui about you previously cos I felt I was abandoned and not priotirize at all.I felt love was only coming from my side and for you,you just wanted a relationship.I was still hanging on to this relationship and hoping somehow you'll realise one day about my importance but it didn’t happened.My wish didn’t came true and again you walk away from me by saying you need space and freedom,you couldn’t breath at all.At that moment,I gave up eventhough I didn’t want to.I wanna love you but I cant if you doesn’t love me too.So I followed your decision and was making my way out of your life till you came back and approach me.I knew I still love you but I was in doubt that whether this time you reallie want me?

I'm glad that I made da right choice cos now,I feel you're here with me.I feel my importance to you and most importantly I see myself in your heart with no one else in there anymore.It's more like 'us' now.For da past few months,I have been reallie reallie happie and I even wrote it in my hand phone that I'm reallie happie now & I hope it's not a dream but a reality.Thank you dear~

We may not be celebrating this day together but I'm sure our hearts are close to each other.Happy annniversary dear,I'm reallie happie with you*Lotsa hugs & kisses*

*Haha what a day we had*

Happie White Valentine's Day

Hehe I didn’t know that yesterday was Happie White Valentine's day until my dear message me and den I go ask around others till I only found out it's a valentine day celebrated in Japan.So what's so different about Valentine's day and White Valentine's day?Well da difference is Valentine's day da guys got to get presents for da gals and for White Valentine's day,da gals have to get presents for da guys.Da normal gift that da gals usually buys for da guys would be chocolate.I guess da reason behind is to give sweetness to him(I guess so =P)

Surprisingly yesterday few hours before I finish my work,she msn me saying that she'll pick me up later and where do I wanna go?*haha*Don’t get me wrong,I'm not saying that she doesn’t do this before but seriously I didn’t thought we would be meeting up as she need to spend more time for her revision.I feel touched & sweet that no matter how,she would spend some time with me.

Guess what?We had our first Gucci yesterday!!Tote?Nopes..Bags?Nopes..Wallet?Nopes too!*lol*What can it be?Bootstrap!What is it?*haha*It's also known as da handphone strap,so we got each other one strap and now we have a couple's bootstrap,a couple's ring and a couple's wallet.What's next?*lol*Wait till we go to Bangkok and Hong Kong(in da middle of processing or middle of deciding?).It's our first time to have branded stuffs,I mean reallie 'branded'.So for these coming months,I wanna get my hands cross cos I wanna save da money to shop shop shop in Bangkok and Hong Kong!Will post up da bootstrap picture once I snap it ya.

*Smack*stop day dreaming and back to earth..

Anyway her revision class is starting next week and this time we reallie gonna be serious about it.No skipping any of da classes for any reasons except MC(touch wood!!),should be spending half of her day studying & the other half of da day with her own activities,no more sleeping late like 3-4a.m,hopefully she get to practice da 3 meals a day routine which includes breakfast!!!That means waking up early =P I guess da rest I doesn’t need to comment nor worry cos I know she's good with control but just a little playful.There wont be any distractions from me this time.I'm gonna well train myself this time and anyway,healthy stress is good cos u'll be pushing yourself more to study but never never push yourself too hard.Remember,at de end you aint competing with anyone except yourself.Okie,I'll stop being naggy and add oil dear!Don't forget every pass=RM1k or all passes=Gucci Tote!!Oh yeah I got a suggestion to make,if just say you feel kinda stress and stuffy in here,we can stay at night at somewhere near just as a 'getaway' to cool you down a little k?By da way,it's just a suggestion!

I'm so so so happie yesterday for another reason also,my commission is out for da first 3 months*hehe*all da hard work does pay for de end of da day!

Heading For a Better Change of ME

Hie hie bloggie,it's middle of the month of March already,crucial time for my war of sales shall begin,anyway thanks to PC Fair is here,sales should be coming automatically and hopefully it will boost up the whole team's sales so everyone of us shall take our commission back home happily.Anyway,because of sales,lately I have been kinda stressed,as mentioned in my previous blog & each time I doesn’t know why that I doesn’t talk about my stress,unhappiness nor upsets to her.Each time I'll ensure her that everything is okie,I'm good,work is fine and life is great and reality is of cos there are days where da sky looks a bit grey and I'm a bit lost looking for da ray of light.

That's when I'm down emotionally and selfishly,I doesn’t tell her about it and expect her to do this & that.Yeap,you can name it stupid attitude,immature actions and a lame weaker I am.I do admit that I wanna be tough in front of her so I shine da best to her and hide da no good behind but in da end,who am I crying to?who am I releasing to?who am I making more upset?Da answer is she.It's reallie depressing to see me when I'm in this situation cos I'll start to cry,sounded like da victim of everything and wanting people just to comfort me.Hey while writing this,something enlighten me that is why I seem to be blaming on things,people and etc for my own worries/stress?Good point uh?And I don’t get it myself that why cant I just use a simpler way to describe my inner feelings instead of being such a drama queen?

I reallie don’t know..

Honestly,I always wanted to look smart,tough and da best in front of her cos I wanna be her girlfriend who she's proud of,someone whom she can look up to and I guess I neglected da most important thing which is sharing.She told me that it's important for a couple to share not only da happie moments but also da unhappie ones.Another thing to admit is I'm weak,emotionally weak.I'm so afraid that she would be scolding/shooting me about my worries/stress when I wanted her to comfort(meaning I want her to tell me what I wanted to hear?)when she only meant to tell/advice da truth to me?

By da way,my stress was my sales.I do get tense up reviewing my sales performance each week.I'm so afraid that I couldn’t hit my quota not because of my boss or my company,it's because I want my commission so much!Without my commission,I can wave bye bye to our vacations you know?Not only because of that,commission is da reason why I'm still working!So when my sales go down eventually so does my smile and this is a normal situation that happens in any sales department right?So what da heck,stop being so girly sam*haha*Okie but it doesn’t mean that I cant grumble or complain about my work,I still can*evil grin*

Oh gosh,I feel like a monster.I feel like a kid.Da one aint facing da reality is me,da one who is hiding is me and da one who need to change is definitely me.I need to come out of my shell,being more open to her about my problems 'normally'*haha*reason why I emphasize normally cos da way I'm doing it now is scaring her off & making her walking further away(told ya I'm a monster).

I'm reallie sorrie dear,I know I have said so many things but I never done any of them and as a matter in fact,I just keep repeating histories of my own mistakes eventhough I admit my mistakes of dunno how many number of times,say "I know I know" for dunno how many hundred of times but do you realise I stubbornly never say "I'll change" till yesterday?
Yeah,it's my first time of saying da word change about myself cos I know this aint helping me and this would only tear us apart.I'm making my first move now with my word of changing and for da better me,cheerup people!!!

Right now,my mainly focus is in my career.I wanna hit my sales every month,every quarter,every half yearly and let me bring back my commission!And her focus is in her studies.She shall make sure she gonna go through her every revision,get all da assignments done,understand watever that she studies and every point under her finger tips!Den to reward both of us,we shall go for trips to have fun,refresh,shop till we drop,lovely honeymoons and to rest of cos.Work hard my dear,you got all my support & understanding here with you,love youuuuuu...

Stress Stress Stress & I'm Sorrie

Here's a picture of Penang taken from our hotel room during our stay there. Yesterday,sitting in da office,looking at my work,I felt so stressed and no one to talk to,wanted to tell her but she was sick. Didnt wanna interrupt her while she's resting so I was pretty quiet da whole day and was hoping to see her. As usual,I will drop hints here and there telling her,I'm going somewhere,wanna go shopping and etc and that lulu as usual also dont get my hints de. Each time also need me to tell her directly that I wanna date her out to see her*LULU!*but cant blame her also,she's not good with hints and yet I still do it on purpose*stupidly me!*lol*Anyway,I feel glad to see her where I can just drop down my stress somewhere and pityful her that she was still not feeling well,yet need to drive to KLCC,stuck in jam,dinner and walk around with me,driving me back home and heading back towards Kepong.I'm sure she was exhausted,at times I do wonder whether does she feel tired with me.I feel that I'm fussy!

Sorrie ah dear,I think I do over tired you physically where I need you to accompany me,drive me here and there,want most of your time and always making you late for home.So starting from today,I must make some principle which is I shall not always request you to find/meet me,I shall not always make you go back home late,I shall only see you at most three times a week,I must ensure you put your time in your studies,I shall not make you as playful as me,I shall not always influence you to spend money,I shall stop being so fussy about anything!Cant be so selfish already,now is my time and my turn to think of your side d.I cherished what my dear gives me cos I know she reallie do sayang me,by giving da best of her and giving me everything that she can.

Sorrie dear again that just now I hurt your feelings by teasing you about no money issue.Frankly,I doesnt mean that and about sponsoring petrol money for you to go to college,I just wanna give some motivation for your revision cos I know you couldnt study well at home and da best place is your college's library.I doesnt want because you wanna save on your petrol,resulting you couldnt do revision.I aint trying to use da money to look down on you.I'm not grown up in a wealthy family and as you know me,I doesnt boast about my financially.Dont hope that finacially is a gap/problem between us.We'll learn to support each other right?

Oh yeah talking talking about her and forgotten about my stress thingy,well,is just about my work only,sales sales sales,need to push more sales!Probably at times when I feel tired or stressed about my work,hope to hear motivation from someone to support me but I dont wanna let her worry about me ka,prolly just wanna say out & let go of my stress*shooo all da stress away* Why is it so hard for me to tell you I'm stressed?Maybe I care too much that I doesnt wan you to feel my stress =) Wanted to huggie my dear so much yesterday.

Again I'm sorrie dear..i doesnt mean to hurt you..

Sprained my leg yesterday morning..clumsy me*keke*dear dear I want you sayang me!!*kaka*

Crucial Months..

*Phew*These two months will be crucial months for both of us.What's da reason?Simply because of my work and your studies.My sales performance is review based on six months performance which is from November till April which means if I'm able to hit my quota then I'll be able to get my commission(extra pocket money) den I'll get to save more money for my savings!*Bravo bravo*And for her,her main exam should be around May which means she need to start of her revision from now cos as a former student before,I myself would take my own sweet time read a bit,laze a bit,read a bit and play a bit.So if you start early and though you're not reallie focusing,at least da words to reflect a bit in your head.

After all this crucial months den we will be flying to Bangkok!Believe it or not,everyday once I reach my desk,I'll flip through da calendar,first I'll look forward for public holidays den I'll cross out day by day excitingly till Friday den I'll count da days away from da trips that we planned.Of cos not to forgotten,every 21st of da month,a special day for both of us.All these are my motivation every morning to get up from my cosy bed to work and of cos if she's meeting me that day,time flies during that day!*lol*Dont laugh at me okie?

Em,I wonder what motivates her to her studies?There was once she told me that she doesnt feel like studying anymore and she actually prefers working.Well,I cant deny that sentence if one doesnt have da heart to study anymore.Reason is why waste time on something if you doesnt have any interest on it anymore?So da question for her would be "Do you still have da interest to study law?"I know that studying law aint a easy job at all,looking at her notes and da vocabulary they're using is scary!I wonder how she manage to study man.There are times she does ask me whether am I proud of having a law student girlfriend,honestly YES!To have interest with law is easy but to study law is reallie da challenging part.I like to pop some law questions to her because that's when you see da spirit of Jas =) This is da time when she can talk confidently,smoothly and proudly.I guess this is good enough to prove how much she like about law.

What's pulling her down?Seriously,I guess only she herself knows da answer.As what I felt was da failure she had from da past experiences,her missed to UK to further her studies and as always comparing herself with others.Wouldnt elaborate much about this as she know it better den I do and all I hope is she could just get over her head about da failures and about UK.I'm not saying that is wrong to think about it but isn't better to put da time & focus NOW in what's important?Time flies and it doesnt stop for us,even for a second,once it's gone,it's gone.Keep this in mind that in this world,who has never failed before?who has never miss good chances in life?Dont compare yourself with others with what they have & you doesnt,compare with them with what you have & they doesnt,then eventually you'll realise da beauty of you possess.

I reallie hope she doesnt give up for her law,she strive so hard to be here with so good opportunities to try again,I wish she reallie buck up this time and succeed!Love you dear..

*Dear is not feeling well,hopefully it's a just tiny minnie sick*

Real Love Needs Trust

Have you ever encounter times when you're in between good and bad?What I'm trying to say is when you're in a situation where you feel upset over something,you do wanna act bad but ur conscious are telling you that you shouldnt.Em,da reason I'm saying this is because that I feel at times I am being over sensitive about how she and her 'fren',I'm not saying that they have something under their sleeves behind me or I doesnt trust her but I do feel a little uncomfortable as da gal is someone who hurt me,someone who is her close fren and emphasis is someone who is her ex.I guess it's not because that she's her ex that matters to me but it's because this gal gotten her once & hurt me before so I'm more aware of her actions and words.

I seriously doesnt mind both of them being close and keeping in touch as I do believe there are purely friends but I feel that no matter how angelic I can be,upsets and jealousy does happened and of cos I wouldnt wanna let this to interfere da relationship as it's going on very well now.

Why I'm writing this is because that few days ago I got to find out that they were still sleeping together,dont get me wrong,I mean sleeping on da same bed only.Naturally,I was a little upset about it and immediately with a rude voice,I told her to chase da gal out to da living room and sleep.At first,I was on my nerves saying all this and slowly,my heart got soften knowing how sad and tough life she is going through.This is when da good and bad of me hit me.In a way,it's right for me to be bad as she sleeping next to my dear. I mean could anyone of us take it that someone else is sleeping next to your love one?Honestly,I feel threaten but with a second thought,I told her it's okie.I dont feel that it should be a problem or a issue that we need to bring up in our relationship.I do pity her because she has a so call broken family giving her lack of love,supporting her family from tip to toe,going through hard life and running into unstable relationships.

Somehow,I made my mind that I shouldnt take her issue too personal.Both of them are friends and my dear make it clear to me that I shouldnt care about what da gal says or does as long my dear knows what she wants.Frankly I told her that all I need is a confirmation that when she tells me there's nothing,I do take her word and without pretending anything anymore, I told her that I do have a little shadow over da incident that happened.

I got englighten somehow that we gone through a few things before reaching here,for others they might have given up in between and we?We actually got back together and try harder again.It's absolutely not easy for us so we should be appreciating about each other and making our dreams come true.I'm reallie sorrie that I know at times I have been emotional and throwing my temper as well about da gal.I just wanted you to know that I want you more den anyone else.I doesnt care how and what she's treating you.All I care is how you feel about me.

*Smiling*This time,I could feel your love so much & I'm reallie touched to have you.Next,we need to work together in our own path to build future together*hehe*I'm longing for da day where I could see you in your graduation gown.A missed to UK shouldnt be an obstacle to you & it cant stop you from working harder again & again.Chance is by luck,you got it.Success is on your hands,you need to work on it.Good luck dear!

Yesterday we watched 'It's a wonderful life',it's da best CNY movie that I watched this year.A laughing comedy with some touching scenes.Dear,you shall treat me like how 'Ding Dong' treat his wife ah?*lol*