Heading For a Better Change of ME
Hie hie bloggie,it's middle of the month of March already,crucial time for my war of sales shall begin,anyway thanks to PC Fair is here,sales should be coming automatically and hopefully it will boost up the whole team's sales so everyone of us shall take our commission back home happily.Anyway,because of sales,lately I have been kinda stressed,as mentioned in my previous blog & each time I doesn’t know why that I doesn’t talk about my stress,unhappiness nor upsets to her.Each time I'll ensure her that everything is okie,I'm good,work is fine and life is great and reality is of cos there are days where da sky looks a bit grey and I'm a bit lost looking for da ray of light.
That's when I'm down emotionally and selfishly,I doesn’t tell her about it and expect her to do this & that.Yeap,you can name it stupid attitude,immature actions and a lame weaker I am.I do admit that I wanna be tough in front of her so I shine da best to her and hide da no good behind but in da end,who am I crying to?who am I releasing to?who am I making more upset?Da answer is she.It's reallie depressing to see me when I'm in this situation cos I'll start to cry,sounded like da victim of everything and wanting people just to comfort me.Hey while writing this,something enlighten me that is why I seem to be blaming on things,people and etc for my own worries/stress?Good point uh?And I don’t get it myself that why cant I just use a simpler way to describe my inner feelings instead of being such a drama queen?
I reallie don’t know..
Honestly,I always wanted to look smart,tough and da best in front of her cos I wanna be her girlfriend who she's proud of,someone whom she can look up to and I guess I neglected da most important thing which is sharing.She told me that it's important for a couple to share not only da happie moments but also da unhappie ones.Another thing to admit is I'm weak,emotionally weak.I'm so afraid that she would be scolding/shooting me about my worries/stress when I wanted her to comfort(meaning I want her to tell me what I wanted to hear?)when she only meant to tell/advice da truth to me?
By da way,my stress was my sales.I do get tense up reviewing my sales performance each week.I'm so afraid that I couldn’t hit my quota not because of my boss or my company,it's because I want my commission so much!Without my commission,I can wave bye bye to our vacations you know?Not only because of that,commission is da reason why I'm still working!So when my sales go down eventually so does my smile and this is a normal situation that happens in any sales department right?So what da heck,stop being so girly sam*haha*Okie but it doesn’t mean that I cant grumble or complain about my work,I still can*evil grin*
Oh gosh,I feel like a monster.I feel like a kid.Da one aint facing da reality is me,da one who is hiding is me and da one who need to change is definitely me.I need to come out of my shell,being more open to her about my problems 'normally'*haha*reason why I emphasize normally cos da way I'm doing it now is scaring her off & making her walking further away(told ya I'm a monster).
I'm reallie sorrie dear,I know I have said so many things but I never done any of them and as a matter in fact,I just keep repeating histories of my own mistakes eventhough I admit my mistakes of dunno how many number of times,say "I know I know" for dunno how many hundred of times but do you realise I stubbornly never say "I'll change" till yesterday?
Yeah,it's my first time of saying da word change about myself cos I know this aint helping me and this would only tear us apart.I'm making my first move now with my word of changing and for da better me,cheerup people!!!
Right now,my mainly focus is in my career.I wanna hit my sales every month,every quarter,every half yearly and let me bring back my commission!And her focus is in her studies.She shall make sure she gonna go through her every revision,get all da assignments done,understand watever that she studies and every point under her finger tips!Den to reward both of us,we shall go for trips to have fun,refresh,shop till we drop,lovely honeymoons and to rest of cos.Work hard my dear,you got all my support & understanding here with you,love youuuuuu...
That's when I'm down emotionally and selfishly,I doesn’t tell her about it and expect her to do this & that.Yeap,you can name it stupid attitude,immature actions and a lame weaker I am.I do admit that I wanna be tough in front of her so I shine da best to her and hide da no good behind but in da end,who am I crying to?who am I releasing to?who am I making more upset?Da answer is she.It's reallie depressing to see me when I'm in this situation cos I'll start to cry,sounded like da victim of everything and wanting people just to comfort me.Hey while writing this,something enlighten me that is why I seem to be blaming on things,people and etc for my own worries/stress?Good point uh?And I don’t get it myself that why cant I just use a simpler way to describe my inner feelings instead of being such a drama queen?
I reallie don’t know..
Honestly,I always wanted to look smart,tough and da best in front of her cos I wanna be her girlfriend who she's proud of,someone whom she can look up to and I guess I neglected da most important thing which is sharing.She told me that it's important for a couple to share not only da happie moments but also da unhappie ones.Another thing to admit is I'm weak,emotionally weak.I'm so afraid that she would be scolding/shooting me about my worries/stress when I wanted her to comfort(meaning I want her to tell me what I wanted to hear?)when she only meant to tell/advice da truth to me?
By da way,my stress was my sales.I do get tense up reviewing my sales performance each week.I'm so afraid that I couldn’t hit my quota not because of my boss or my company,it's because I want my commission so much!Without my commission,I can wave bye bye to our vacations you know?Not only because of that,commission is da reason why I'm still working!So when my sales go down eventually so does my smile and this is a normal situation that happens in any sales department right?So what da heck,stop being so girly sam*haha*Okie but it doesn’t mean that I cant grumble or complain about my work,I still can*evil grin*
Oh gosh,I feel like a monster.I feel like a kid.Da one aint facing da reality is me,da one who is hiding is me and da one who need to change is definitely me.I need to come out of my shell,being more open to her about my problems 'normally'*haha*reason why I emphasize normally cos da way I'm doing it now is scaring her off & making her walking further away(told ya I'm a monster).
I'm reallie sorrie dear,I know I have said so many things but I never done any of them and as a matter in fact,I just keep repeating histories of my own mistakes eventhough I admit my mistakes of dunno how many number of times,say "I know I know" for dunno how many hundred of times but do you realise I stubbornly never say "I'll change" till yesterday?
Yeah,it's my first time of saying da word change about myself cos I know this aint helping me and this would only tear us apart.I'm making my first move now with my word of changing and for da better me,cheerup people!!!
Right now,my mainly focus is in my career.I wanna hit my sales every month,every quarter,every half yearly and let me bring back my commission!And her focus is in her studies.She shall make sure she gonna go through her every revision,get all da assignments done,understand watever that she studies and every point under her finger tips!Den to reward both of us,we shall go for trips to have fun,refresh,shop till we drop,lovely honeymoons and to rest of cos.Work hard my dear,you got all my support & understanding here with you,love youuuuuu...
posted by Sam @ 1:37 PM
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