Me & Dear

On Tuesday,I had my first time doing appraisal where everyone says that after appraisal there's salary increment or bonuses*cross fingers*I'm longing to wait for this,though it may not be much but it's certainly better den nothing =) And da funny thing is appraisal is suppose to be me sitting down with my manager to discuss about each others rating for me but there wasnt,is just he rate me and I rate myself,that's all*scratch head*Anyway,watever,just gimme da increment AND bonuses please*haha*

Today is my dear's second paper,she didnt sound as happie as she were for her first paper.She had minor diarrohea and headache yesterdany*oouch*so she didnt slept well & losing a bit of concentration during da paper.She managed to attempt four questions(my defence:I think is good but she say she could only write few lines for da last question but if you do well in da first three questions,what da heck right?),she didnt know whether what she wrote was related to da question(my defence:I didnt know what I wrote when I was in da exam cos I was rushing over da time to spilt out what I remember but she's upset about it)and you know before da exam,she texted me saying sorry,I felt sad and bad at da moment,did I push you to far for this exam?

As long you have done your best,I would not blame you for da results at all.Why?You know da answer.

Well,it maybe a bad paper and you are finished with it so leave it behind & move on,do a better job in your coming papers.You did well in your first one,so-so for da second one,how about da third and fourth one?You shall do da best*huggies*Give yourself a rest today,you need one den only start your revision tomorrow,you have four days to cover and it should be enough(with da condition you doesnt give up or lost in between).Know your mission and goal well & aim for it!I know you can make it(it's not for convincing purposes okie?)

Wo ai ni dear..

Nervously Me..

I prayed twice before bed to Jesus to give his blessing to you for your exams today,I woke up & prayed to my religion's God asking him for luck & support to you today..

Upon reaching to the office,I look at the clock,it was 9a.m,I sat on my desk and prayed again.

I kept looking at da clock now and then,how come today's noon seems to be passing by slower?But da actual fact was I'm nervous!I'm anxiously waiting for your call to tell me how you did for your paper.At times,I think I couldnt feel my heart beating!*haha*Okie,I know I'm over nervous.It's her examination and why am I being so over-reacted?

Well reason is da first paper plays a very important role,it starts your first exam day & exam paper,if you start off well den da rest of days will go on pretty smoothly as your confidence is build up and your direction is clearer now.When she mentioned she did her best,she answered all da questions and she have raise up all da issues that is needed,one word came from me inside,*PHEW!*Now,could you imagine how nervous I was?

And I'm reallie glad after da call,I felt happie after listening to how you did,what you wrote,how many pages you did,number of questions attempted and etc,I feel exceptionally good cos finally,your efforts wasnt wasted.Da number of hours you spend on reading & revision pays off well and thank God,you didnt had da "memory-loss" strike*touch wood!!!!*Thumbs up for you and hey dont keep emphasizing that you aint sure what you wrote is right or wrong,as you said you have done ur best is more den enough dear!I'm happie for you =)

Cheer up for three more papers to go and lots of fun coming on da way~~muacks

p/s:You're taking back what you have lost,you have shown me,I'm giving you 9/10!

Ka Yau Dear!

Hello bloggie,dear has been talking a lot lately about her studies,as you know her exams are getting nearer and nearer.Da talking started with her worries that she's afraid she would forget what she has been reading,she doesnt know whether what she studied is it sufficient and today something different came from her.In fact,she was mentioning that she learned well from da fall back that she had last time.

Surprisingly,it's my first time sitting down with her and listening to her about this.Expressing how bad she felt at da moment,what she learned,what she could 'see' from others before & after,how she stood up from da fall(including her highlights about I hurt her with da sentence "You did badly")and while she's saying all this,I'm wondering is she trying to tell me something?

That I do not need to worry about how she gonna handle herself about her studies?or no matter what happens she'll be able to cope with it?

I didnt gave much response nor comment cos I felt she wanted me to be her listener and I wanted to tell her that no matter what decision she made,I would support you.

I will tell you da truth about what I see and feel to you & wouldnt telling you white lies.I used to believe that some white lies are needed to make my partner feel better but as a matter in fact,it spoilts and hurts you in da end.Eversince da fall back,no more white lies between us.I would tell you what I think is right and compliments from me is not to comfort you to feel better.Da praises and compliments are real,honest from me ya.

Studies needs effort and luck.Effort comes from how much you're putting/giving and luck comes from your belief.An old phrase "If you think you can,you can" may sounds lame but amazingly,it's works.

You know last time,I was so worried about your exam den even more worried about your results and this time,I seem to have no worries about it.Probably because you seem to have manage yourself and time well,I dont see I need to control anything here and you're reallie doing your revision this round so what to worry more?Da onlly tiny worry that I have is your stress.Could see and feel da stress you have,do you know?Hope it will slowly go away and let you study freely.

By da way,just believe in da effort you're putting,your examiner cant grade you wrongly if what you write is right,isnt?Confidently,I feel you gonna go through this time & I know love aint da thing that you need now.So dear,I just wanna tell you that I reallie support you this time!

Best of luck to my dear dear,may you have faith in yourself.

What Will I Be?

These days been thinking whether am I making a right start in my career?

I see people around me growing to be successful in their life and it's true I shouldnt be comparing to people who have work for years.Their skills and experience are da price that the company pays them and I'm still fresh & new but da thing that reallie makes me wander is by continuing with what I'm doing now,how far can I go?Maybe it's a too early question to asked but isnt that something that we wanna know once we step into da working world?

I am afraid at times that I may make da first wrong step to da wrong field or wrong job and it's gonna be a year working in my current field and job,seeing colleagues leaving for a better offer and listening to my coursemates changing from smaller company to a bigger company makes me feel small.I would start to ask myself,if I wanna leave,what do I have that people wanna take me in?Technical knowledge nor skills aint in my resume neither is years of experience and I guess I would flunk in any of the programming exam during da interview.

You get da picture?I made my decision into sales and marketing,undeniable a easy going job with very little stress,good opportunity of money,great colleagues and flexible environment & maybe my mind has gone too far to think about how long could I sustain with this job?I couldnt be earning & learning what I have now for da next 3 years?I should be moving upwards instead of staying in da same level.

Carpricorns,ambitious people who wanna live their lfe to da maximum and same goes as their career.

It's true dear that what you said,I only worked for a year,what else can I look for?With da second thought,how about da second year?Will there be more chances to grow for me?I planned for a car,for a house and for a stable life with my partner.I'm worried that my plans doesnt work out and I let you down.I aint sure am I at da right field but all I know is there isnt much turning point now.I'll need to continue with what I'm doing now,gather more skills in me & learning in da sense of maturity.

Money doesnt drop from da sky without any effort,life philosphy.

I guess my worries are just unnecessary,probably when I see people changing jobs,I start to wonder when can I change for a better one?However,I'm glad with my current job and heya my manager has approve for my contract renewal so dear & mum,you both doesnt need to worry about my job till my next contract ends okie?*haha*

Stress stress,this is what my dear is going through now and in fact,I'm happie with this.Dont see me as a witch okie?What I'm saying here is I'm glad that she learned to handle her stress maturely and she plans her study time very well.There isnt much for me to worry nor control now though ya at times I still do get a little nanny(as usual),eventually she grew my confidence in her.I believe her.

Yeap,da good part is she's studying and she managing well and da bad part of it is stress still comes & goes,making her grumpy at times but very soon,da war will ends as her exam is starting next week.Sounds too soon?what are we waiting for?Arent we anxiously waiting for da exams to come and go and let da party begins?

Hope my dear doesnt overdosed herself with her notes & books and do take care of herself well.Must stay fit to win da war ya.Love you dear.

p/s:Dont worry whether have you cover enough,in fact ask yourself how much could you bring it out?

Honesty To You

Do you believe or agree that couples/partners are suppose to be 100% honest to each other?It's good to be honest but some things are left better unsaid?

Some would say yes and some would say no.

I guess I would answered ideally yes but practically can be difficult.

Yesterday nite,we meet up for dinner while chatting and laughing together.Da nite seems to be a good one I thought,happily we were on our way back home till she said in a jokingly manner that she's out of money and prolly she'll borrow from 'her' and naturally straight from my heart,words slipped out of tongue that some things can't be forgotten and naturally she responded too that if things cant be forgotten den why should we be together?

Dear,since beginning of this year when we so call got back together,things reallie work out very well for both of us.I enjoyed da time being together with you and I felt a great change in you where I could feel your love and care so much this time.I knew that things and situation has changed this time.In this relationship right now,there's only you and me,no more inteference anymore.I'm extremely overjoy with this cos it's like finally we're back together as one,I doesnt need to doubt about myself in da relationship and worrying da relationship anymore.Freely,I'm back to myself.I could have someone whom I love and love me.I couldnt tell you how happie I feel verbally and I believe that people around me could feel da happiness in me.

Da reason I'm saying all this here is I wanna tell you that I know you changed for me and this relationship,I treasure & appreciate da effort you put it.I didnt doubt my trust in you nor to be suspicous about your whereabouts & what ya doing when I'm not around.You got my trust & faith fully and I want you to know da reason that sentence slipped out of me,it's not because I still feel that both of you still clinged together or I doubt your efforts for this relationship,I really dont.

Da problem is me,dear.I'm just being afraid of this and that when you're giving me your best assurance.Da incident reallie did hit me hardly but it's da past.I shouldnt have brought back da past to create problems to da present.It's me who chose to have and stay in our relationship & yet still wandering about da past.It aint gonna bring any good to us and I'm sorry.I shouldnt have wander unwanted issues in us when everything is working out so well.I'm just creating unneccessay problems =P

Sometimes or at times I do become oversensitive or jealous about both of you eventhough I,myself knows that both of you are just purely friends.Maybe I'm kinda conservative about 'ex-s' or maybe I feel being threaten?I dont know and probably I shouldnt bring up da issue here but I just wanna clarify to you so much that it's not your problem and you shouldnt be saying sorry.

I'm sorry dear that my words hurt you and honestly I'm keen in keeping this relationship & reallie look forward da best of us in our future together.

Could we just forgive and forget? =)

Love you.

Sad Day

I feel sad towards end of today because of my work.Small matters came and took over some of my accounts.It's not losing da accounts that saddens me,it's da effort I put in for almost a year that has been ripped off just like that.I'm sure some of us here understand how does this feels.

True,I was stressed out,worrying that I wouldnt be able to perform but I told myself da old ones doesnt go,da new one doesnt come,so I'll make my effort again to strive through this challenge!But to say goodbye to those accounts where I have make friends with is a heart breaking time.

I know I couldnt complain much cos that's how a company works and it's part of my job to handle all sorts of accounts.I knew da facts and reality & I doesnt need people to repeat nor remind me.

I just wished that when I fall,someone is there to hold me back.I just needed support and encouragement.

Dont we all have days when we doesnt know whether what we are doing is right or wrong?Dont we have da days when things to out to be dark inside of sunny?

Yeah,we do and we would seek our loves ones,family and friends to fall back to get their care and attention & most importantly is we just hope that we get their support.

I may go around complaining to everyone but it's not because I wanna complaint.I'm sad but not as sad as you thought.I just..

Maybe da timing is bad,you seem to start off ur day in a 'so-so' mood with da UK things again den continued with headache.Probably,I shouldnt be interrupting you this at this moment.

Anyway,it's a small matter and I'll confront it myself.A bit emotional I am I guess.Da usual me.Gonna huggie my panda and go through da nite. I do tell my dear everything now unlike last time where I'll keep everything to myself,I doesnt know whether she get my hint on how to comfort me but I would tell her everything =)

*Cross fingers for my dear's revision*

p/s:Thanks mum,you came in few times to check out on me.

Past and Future,Your Choice?

Heyo,there are many things I wanna write in here today so let me take a little bit of time to remember and sort out what I wanna write before I forgets =P

First of all,last Saturday,my dear gave me another surprise!Out of no where and suddenly,she gave me a bouquet of red roses*drooling*It wasnt something in my expected list and I'm reallie thrilled about this.It's not da flowers that I'm happie about,it's da thought she has that brightens me up and dear,before I forget you did mention when we passed by Tiffany & Co in KLCC that you said verbally you'll buy me a T & Co ring when we get married(Dont break ur promise ah,I'll sue you ka,gonna go read up watever law about verbal words/promises!*haha*).I got good memory(only remember things that I want to remember).

While that brightens me up but lately some things came in and darkens my dear's skies.Firstly,her friend studying in UK got an offer letter from BVC den another friend in UK was having his round trip in UK bought many branded stuffs like LV,Gucci and etc.Do you notice something in common about both of her friends?If you're a good observant then you could 'see' what I'm writing here.I cant change nor stop her stubborness about UK cos I understand da regret and missed that she felt.Basically,da message that I reallie wanna bring up to her head is dont compare yourself and others when you know it's gonna just upset you da whole day.

Yeah,it's partially true that you ended up today because of 'her' but again,since da decision has been make & carried out,why do you still wanna insist over da matter?You cant be bringing this till end of your life and burry it into your graveyard.I know how much impact you had.You were given a chance to go UK,you asked around,no support,you declined,you found out her betrayal,you failed your A levels,you retook your A levels den you went for your intermediate and you failed again.It sounds aweful isnt it?

Da only thing you could thought of is why did you make such decision?Why did she and others to say no to you?But dear,while you're thinking of why about da past,why cant you think of why about da future?Undeniable,da past is da past,there's still scratches and scars in your heart that make it a unforgettable bad memory.No matter how bad she felt,she just couldnt bring you back to da past already.What I'm trying to say here it maybe hard to let go of da past,but dont let this tieing up heart and making you feel hard,let yourself walk on the path that you want and not blaming her all da way.

Next is you realise that people around you especially your two best friends are moving ahead of you,so now grab da chance or opportunity you're given now and move!They maybe moving much faster den you but if you doesnt stop controlling your mind,you may never move to any where and I know that's not what you want.

Jas Cheng Su Ling wanna be a smart law student where friends and family will look upon,be a great lawyer showing others that she aint weak,a faithful daughther who can afford to buy a house for da family to fulfill your dreams and achieving da things and life you wanted all this while.You doesnt wanna be lazy,you wanna be successful,you doesnt wan people to control your life just because they think you are weak when you wanna prove them you're NOT!

I feel upset seeing you weak and I feel a little bit pissed off when your friends has da empowerment over you.So what they are older den you and working?Cant you voice out your comments and saying no to them at times?*argghh*boiling*Anyway,that's between you & your friends,I just feel that there shouldnt be any empowering thingy between friends.

You're not useless dear.I'm not saying this just because you're my partner.I honestly just feel that your stubborness and mind is da one spoiling you.Da reason I'm saying so is your past makes you feel useless and defendless,da only thing you blame for wat you have now is your past,you feel weak and stressed because you're afraid of failing again and I doesnt wanna you fall back to your past again.Let's talk about da future instead?

I may not be a good advisor,I know sometimes I sound offensive,as though I 'know-it-all'*hehe*I just wanan tell what I see and feel and whether it's right or wrong,just correct will do.Today,da question that I'm wondering is am I taking her time too much and distracting her?Maybe da one who needs control too is me!*haha*

By da way,I hope dear will get back herself for her revision track since her big moment is just weeks away,crucial time.I'm crossing my fingers and praying hard for her this time.Dear,I'll support you all da way yeah,just go!*huggies*

*Note:My dear is buying me a T & Co necklace!!!*

Silly Baby

Yesterday night,I felt it was da most embrassing moment of my life that I misunderstand my dear!This is how da story goes..

After da harshful message incident,I keep myself quiet from her till she messaged that she would come and look for me.Delighted and angry,I was just hoping & waiting that she'll comfort me of her fault.

I waited from noon till evening,there was no sign of her so I decided to beep a message and da reply was she's in klcc accompanying her friends shopping.On da spot,my anger blew off & I was reallie mad.It was too impossible for her to realise I was still mad over da whole thing and between me & her friends,she chose to go shopping with her friends instead of looking for me first?

I was devastated,I felt so little of me in her.Home alone while my parents went over to my uncle's place,I sat on da sofa with a bunch of tissue papers,weeping and started to message her & my friends that how sad I was.

I didnt understand that how could she do that to me,after all I'm her girlfriend!

I called up my best pal to bring me out,he came and after hearing my stories,he started to laughed continuously.He says that he had never seen me being so mad before and I look cute while throwing my tantrums(duh?).I was basically calling her all sort of names,complaining how could she done tis to me?and etc.

My best pal brought me for dinner and halfway through,she messaged that she's on her way to my house.I told her to wait as I was still outside and she replied that she could get da road tax from my mum if she's at home or did I bring it out with me.I burst into my anger again and again and screaming over to my best pal that "Didnt she say she wanna look for me?And there she goes with her friends and now she's asking me this?Now she wants her road tax or me?Practically,I was realie furious at that time.I could just swallow anything right in my mouth.

On my way back home,I was thinking and practising how should I react or response when I see her?To my surprise surprise,when I gave her da road tax,she went to da back of her seat and grab a Guess paper bag out*gasp*I needed to dig a hole so much to bury my head down inside.She didnt went to klcc for her friends,she went there to grab da little gift for me.She didnt wanna say it cos she wanna surprised me.Immediately,I went up to her car and hug her.I felt totally like a silly gal!I felt bad,I reallie do but hey dear,dont forget about da harshful incident okie?

Yes,I admit I'm wrong that I misunderstand you but I didnt know what was going on.I was still mad about da message & I was waiting for you da whole day.I'm sorrie that I got you wrongly and hey,no more harshful messages k?It got me quite badly.My pillows were all wet just because of da two words?

Wondering wat's da gift?It's a keyholder purse that she mentioned to me few days ago.I didnt want it so that I could control her from overspending and so lovely of her that she surprised it to me yesterday*muacks muacks*

Oh dear and you stayed with me till da next morning(though I didnt know was it intentionally or just because you wanted to look surf for Tag Heuer?*hhmm*haha*)!It's been quite some time that we doesnt spend time just you & me in a room together.I reallie do appreciate this dear,I reallie do =) Thanks!

Dear,do you realise how much I love you?*wink*

Hope You'll Be Fine Soon

Yesterday was da first time she actually asked me to "Fuck off"?

I didnt understand what was da whole issue about,it was simply just between going out or not?

What I was considering is just time and distance,it was late for her to come over and far as well.I didnt want her to come just to company me having supper and then she need to travel tiredly back home.I told her not to come and instead I'll come over da next day to pass her da car's road tax,was I wrong?

Yes,I wanted to see you very much,it's very much but consciously,I shouldn't.When you asked me whether should you come,my heart says yes and my brains says no but in da end I decided to follow my brains.I knew that you will be staying up till early morning for your revision,so I decided not to used up ur time.

Maybe listening to my brains aint right for me.In da end,all I get was harsh words,hurtful messages and lastly with da sentence "Fuck off".I didnt know what to say nor reply.Again,my waterfall starts to flow.After some time,she messaged me saying sorrie and called me few times later but I didnt reply nor pick up her calls.

It's not da matter of apologizing or not,is just that I never expect myself to get such harshful words from you,never at all.Now,I felt it.

Maybe you're just too tired and stressed about your revision.Hope that you'll be able to overcome this,though I couldnt be there every minute with you but if you need to talk over it,scream about it,I'll be da first to volunteer.

You're doing well for your revision,just keep it up & time for da battle.Make sure is a win-win situation okie?Good luck dear.

I'm alright here.