Selamat Hari Raya

*At Neway Celebrating Albert's Birthday*

So sad that it's da last day of da Raya holidays and tomorrow gonna wake up reluctantly,pushing myself to da car to work.Anyway it's gonna be quarter closing this month so buck up da best to earn more tis round else I doesnt know what's da changes of da next half gonna be for my career,let's pray for a better one!

On da first day of Raya,my family and I celebrated my nephew a.k.a Scissors first birthday together with our relatives in Restaurant Oriental in Petaling Jaya.At first I wasnt too fancy about Chinese buffet but indeed their service and food was up to da par.They have beijing duck,suckling pig,shark fin's soup,fried dumpling,salmon,prawns and etc.Sounds good uh?Overall da rating of B I would give to da restaurant.Those who had never tried a pure Chinese buffet,should go =) A great family gathering and I guess da next to have this would be my cousin's wedding.

And as usual,cousins around me are either planning to get marry or they're attached & most of them will be wandering about mine.They see presents & flowers but they dont see my partner,mysterious =P

However,that aint my concern right now.Sometimes I wish to tell my girfriend that I'm jealous and I dont like her being so close to her ex but rationally who I am to have such right to do so?Then I decided to swallow watever I feel and da thing is da watever aint digesting in me,is just gonna be kept in my tummy and making butterflies in it & end up I feeling aint good about it.

I just feel that my girlfriend treat da gal better then any of her friends.This is a fact,nothing to be deny and sometimes I feel better then me.She get a Coach for her birthday,me?She buys tea for her family,me?My girlfriend doesnt like me chatting and messaging my buddy but she?And both of them can get pissed off of each other's girlfriend,normal or abnormal friendship?

It aint easy for me to go up to my girlfriend n say "hey,i dont like this and i dont like that",doesnt that sounds controlling?Though yeah I may have some rights to do so but I always wanted her to "know" rather for me to control.Get it?

And yeah I read her blog everyday,is that a problem?Two years back,from her blog I knew about da hanky panky between you and her behind my back,I kept quiet for months & hope you'll come back to me naturally till I found da vibrator.I knew da lies and I stopped lying to myself either.You thought that I was so silly to notice anything?Her blog tells me all.I didnt know why God gave me da talent to be an observer & a sensitive person.It's not reallie about trust but more on security.

De other day she asked me "Security comes from one or both parties?".For me,obviously both,good example is me.I do trust your words and actions but for da past nightmare,it does still scares me a little till now.For god sake,dont say that "If you still hang on to da past den there's no point being together".I believe you know this more then me.You gone through his before me and you should understand that putting your trust into someone who has overused it is not easy.Anyhow,I doesnt doubt your feelings towards me at all but naturally da sense of security aint strong enough to overcome that fear.You know it's pretty simple to be forgiven then to be forgotten.

I trust that there's only friendship between you and her but why such reaction*gasp*when you see me reading her blog?What's da problem?And you wanted to know why do I need to read?What's my motive?I read it for da sake of my own security!I'm still afraid,deep down in me there's a graveyard where I buried da past there.

Dont always think that I have actus reus or mens rea(your law terms) for my actions okie?

I miss those heart to heart talk sessions we have last time,where I could just lay my head on your heart,listening to you and you listening to me.Honesty times.

I know that your referral paper is coming up pretty much soon & no matter da finale gonna be good or bad,remember we have options and solutions,not dead ends.We just gonna do our best & I'm just here.Good luck!

p/s 1:This evening,I threw your book on da bed cos I was doing da room cleaning and you were just outside holding on your book but *hihihaha* with her?What do you think?And your midnight messages,not her?who else?It's clearly written in her blog,I'll give you moral support!*toot* You cant deny I'm a gal okie?

Be sensible & sensitive and not pleasing me.I have packed all my stuffs this time without her knowledge.Maybe we do need some distance from each other?I dont know.What I reallie know is,right now aint da time for all this.Just want her to stay focus & make it for her paper.God bless her!

p/s 2:Anniversary coming up!What do buy?Where to go?*Shake head*