Pictures Taken In Langkawi =P

Hey hey just got the pictures transfered from the camera to here and *haha* please dont murder me for uploading ur pictures here.Well dont be shy to show ur pictures =P I love taking pictures for just a reason which is whenever I start flipping through da pictures,eventually I'll smile cos do you realise that whenever you start to snap a picture,there's always a smile on da face?You wouldnt be crying nor frowning nor angry while taking picture right?*Hehe*Taking pictures has da same meaning as storing memories too.Soon,I'll get a nice photo album,print out da pics and put them into da album.Though it's 21st century now,yet I still prefer da classic print out photos.Anyway I didnt upload all da pictures here,only just a part of them else I'll be thrown down to da river!Nice pictures,beautiful scenery with a perfect person,what a great holiday I had =) Hope you enjoy it as much as I did..

Superb Vacation..How I Miss It!!!

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Unknown Artist: Till The End (OST. The Outsiders)
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All this precious moment with you by my side,
Must be a gift from heaven,
That's holding me all night,
I don't know how I found you,
I thankful that I have,
Now that I have a love so true,
To hope,to keep,to share.

*In my heart I can no longer hold inside,
All of the love I used to hide,
I'll always be with you until the very end,
In this world there is no place I'd rather be,
You are my life my soul my girl,
And through it all,
I know you've come to see that you're the one
Till the end.

All my friends around me,
Say you'd be gone too soon,
Baby I'm gonna make them see,
We've found the way back home.

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Da End
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Cyndi Wang's song entitled Dang Ni is da song that represent us in our old phone and now with our new phone,I picked this song to represent us.Em sounds like a brand new phone with a new song of us as a new chapter of us?

Anyway we just got back from our holiday and I reallie reallie do miss da holiday time.My first time to Langkawi*Paiseh*and after all been said & done,we were there together*grins*I reallie enjoyed myself very much under da sun,playing with crystal clear water,feeling da warmie sand under my feet,cozy under da blankie,great scenery around me,fresh air breezing on me & me lying in her arms.Oh God~It was like a dream,something that I have been longing & dreaming about.

Being away from da city,my heart feels lighter den before,probably because I know she's with me & I'm with her.It's like as though we are in our world yet I do remind myself that she aint mine and I aint hers.However,I'm comfortable with how we are now though da status aint there.Guess it doesnt matters anymore now.I used to be a conservative person,where I want my gf to be my one only and wan da whole world to know I'm hers.Going through few relationships for da past few years and learning da most from this time,I changed the perception about love.It's not about owning someone physically or emotionally.I wouldnt wan someone who claim to be my girlfriend when in her heart I'm just not there or I'm just someone giving da control & pressures to her.It's perfect to have her around without being over sensitive or worrying about other people or things.

On Sunday noon,we started our journey to her hometown,Alor Star and my god because of da festive holidays,terrible jam happened in da highway and we only reach there around after 6 hours of driving?Settledown ourselves den went out for dinner and sleep till da next day.

Monday,we were suppose to go to Langkawi but due to both of us were very tired from da journey,we decided to postponed it till da next day and we were deciding to go either Langkawi or Penang.After da consideration that Langkawi was our main plan and I never been there before,so we followed our plan.Who did we visit today??Janice da cute little baby gal,too bad I didnt bring my camera else could snap lots of pictures of her.She grew up a lot from da last time we saw her.That time she was more like a baby and now she's a little kid now.Being playful and smart.We spent hours playing with her till she wanna follow us back home*haha*

Tuesday,anxiously packing our stuffs into our bags and start heading towards da Kuala Kedah Jetty,my first time on da jetty and it took around 1 hours+15 minutes to arrive to Langkawi.New experience on da jetty and I fall in love with da sea as you know how much I love being around da sea,seems calm and relax.Got a little frustrations with da car rental and da hotel room till finally we got da old junk auto KIA but luckily with a nice place to stay.I was praying to God please please dont spoilt this vacation ya,I just wan a nice place to overnight.Upon reaching Lanai Hotel & Resort,you know what's da best?Da beach & sea is just behind it!*Wohooo*Da bed and da surrounding was too good to sleep.This is what I call rest and relax.After settling down for a while,we drove out to makan and dinner was nice+cheap!Den we started our mega shopping there,we bought liquors,chocolates,bag,perfume,food food and food!Spend our nite back to da room with our Jack Daniels and Zzzz.

Wednesday,woke up and went to have our free breakfast.Okie I got to admit da food there sucks!Den we changed our outfit for da warm up in da swimming pool den next is da SEA!!Sun shiny day,lots of foreigners were there swimming and sun tanning.We were like kids playing in da water,splashing here and there and pulling each other from one place to de other(since we doesnt know how to swim,haha).It was about time for us to leave else we couldnt get da last ferry back to Kuala Kedah.Happily with our bags and gifts.I left Langkawi after a peep at da Awana Porto Malai,will rent there da next time when I come again.Happily and of cos got da feeling of doesnt wanna leave da place,Sam wave bye bye to Langkawi with da quote "I will be back!"

Thursday,spending a day around Alor Star and left her hometown on Friday noon while stopping by at Penang to pass things to he bro and grabbing my favourite tau sar piang!!Keke anyway I never missed eating da ham chim piang in A.Star cos tat's da best there where I couldnt find it here.However,there's actually lots of tasty+yummy food there,how I wish I could bring them back here.

Overall,two thumbs up for this vacation and cant wait for da next one to come yet will need to start saving money first else da next would be a budget trip.Now I'm thinking should we go Singapore end of this year?Cos da mega sales is next year or should we go somewhere else instead?Shall put this into consideration first..

Happie One Year Anniversary

Yesterday midnight,standing next to my window,I started crying and non-stop sheding tears.I never thought that when this day comes,I would be crying.It wasnt because of da hurt nor pain.I was missing da times we had together.I started to recall da times we had,listening to Cyndi Wang-Dang Ni,which is suppose to be our "theme" song.Still remembered how we met,how we got close,how we spend hours on da phone,our outings,our misunderstood,how we got back close again and almost everything.Huggie my panda so tight cos I reallie miss you and those times.Surprisingly I thought I was crying cos of da incident,da hurt & I wasn't,I was sad that we couldnt celebrate this special together.I marked down every 21st of each month reminding myself how close we are to da one year.Plan ahead few months ago how we gonna celebrate this together & yesterday I bought da present which was meant for our anniversary.Now,I doesnt know whether da present should be an anniversary present or a earlie birthday present?It's so sad to see da upsets and downs between us that got us apart.If only things didnt happened,I know we would be a very happie couple today*Huggies*

Didnt know what to write more today as emotionally I doesnt know how I'm feeling.I dont dare to look at my calendar,my organizer,my phone nor anything.I reallie doesnt have da courage to take this day alone.I feel sad inside.Very sad and yet I'll stand strong here.I'm glad though this day has come,we are still here together.

No matter how,this day still remains special for me cos I know it's not easy to find someone whom you can fall in love this much.I'm blessed by God cos I found you.You make me realise who I am and thanks for being here by my side.I may have brought a lot of stress and frustrations to you & I hope I did shower you more with happiness.You doesnt need to call my name when you need me,simply because I'm always here with you.

To Lou kung,

Happie One Year Anniversary Dear =)

With love always,
Lou Por

Changed?

Hey hey Friday morning,weekends are here and holidays too!Been waiting for months for this coming trip,though aint going anywhere out of da country yet I'm glad that this time gonna make it already.It's been 4 months joining da working world where life's gets tougher and realistic as well.What do I mean by tougher and realistic?Em tougher in term of working as a team,you gonna achieve your sales to get your commission and working in da sales & marketing line,what do you need to do?Answer:Entertain your customers!Yeap it's a kinda fake thing to do and you still need to do cos tat's what your customers wants.

So far,I'm happie with my customers where some became my friends while must always remember to draw a line between them cos not all customers can be good friends!It was kinda difficult for me to start off with this job as I only had experience in telemarketing but this job was different from da telemarketing jobs that I gone through.This is reallie something like a sales person serving your customers,pushing them for sales,promoting da new stuffs and bridging da communication between me and da customers.So I learned from zero to like 70% today?There's still more things to learn about to master my sales & marketing skills.This is something new and challenging for me,a good start I assume?It's totally nothing to do with da Bachelor of Computer Science that I obtain.Happie to say that working in a multinational company has it own benefits where working environment is good and people here are reallie nice.There isn't much hierarchy here nor pressure,you just got to know your job scope and work on it.You have your freedom and space here but remember there's always eyes around here watching behind your back.As long you do your work well,no one gonna question you anything.

Wohoo,I don’t think I talked much about my work before right?*Hehe*Guess it's just some expression of my feelings after few months here.Hope to have some career advancement to make my dreams come true ya =)

Got a message from her this morning that my looks and attitude changed.Em looks,just got my hair trimmed few weeks ago.Dont find big mega difference about my hair,just that my fringe got something different.Still da curly long hair me.Dressing?Still da same right?Still go for cheap and good looking clothes*lol*Attitude changed?Well this I wouldn’t doubt,everyone learn and changed after some sort of experience.

For me,there's a slight change.I learned not to say da word "LOVE" so much,actions speak louder den words,I used to say it too often and right now,I feel there isn't a need.Just say it when we reallie want to and da rest she's gonna feel it right?I'm more relax about love where doesn’t wanna create any force or frustrations about it.Love is meant to be simple,just love and be love right?Doesnt wanna create any complications here.Hope she understands.

It's true that lately been getting attention from few people around me & it's not because I ask for it.I just doesn’t know why,don’t ask me why people like me,if you wanna ask den probably ask her?I wonder what she gonna answer*Hmm*Any how,those attention has been rejected.I'm being very straightforward if they hint or tell me something.Reason?Firstly I doesn’t need those attention,I'm not interested and my heart is occupied.

Yes,I repeat,it's OCCUPIED!And you,yes YOU!You doesn’t need to tease me with them,asking me to find someone better and saying good luck to me.I don’t need this.I doesn’t bitch around nor flirt.You may say I'm one of da extinct animals where I don’t enjoy being court by others,I prefer no attention pls,I just want friends and a girlfriend,I got to admit that I'm a super loyal person and wanna find a perfect future for us.That's all.It depends on you how much you gonna trust me.Trust doesn’t build in a day,it takes time to do so.However, this is how I think only.What others think of me,I'm clueless ya.

What I wanna emphasize here is I just want you to stay comfy with me.I'm not asking you to gimme your whole heart,your love and life.Last time I would hope that your life=me,your heart=me and your love=me while now I would hope your life=studies,your heart=got a little space for me and your love=you yourself.For watever reason,wherever and whenever,I still loves you.

No Promises

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Shayne Ward: No Promises
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Hey baby,
When we are together,
Doing things that we love,
Every time you're near I feel like I’m in heaven,
Feeling high, I don’t want to let go, girl,

I just need you to know girl.
I don’t wanna run away,
Baby you’re the one I need tonight,
No promises.

Baby, now I need to hold you tight,
I just wanna die in your arms,
Here tonight.

Hey baby,
When we are together,
Doing things that we love.
Everytime you're near I feel like I’m in heaven,
Feeling high, I don’t want to let go, girl.

I just need you you to know girl.
I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight,
No promises.

Baby, now I need to hold you tight,
I just wanna die in your arms,
I don’t want to run away,
I want to stay forever,
Thru Time and Time,
No promises.

I don’t wanna run away,
I don’t wanna be alone,
No Promises

Baby,
Now I need to hold you tight,
Now and forever my love,
No promises.

I don’t wanna run away,
Baby you’re the one I need tonight,
No promises.

Baby,
Now I need to hold you tight,
I just wanna die in your arms

I don’t wanna run away,
Baby you’re the one I need tonight,
No promises.

Baby, now I need to hold you tight,
I just wanna die in your arms
Here tonight.

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Message of Da Day
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Found da lyrics for this song!*Hehe*Well I doesnt know whether is it me being oversensitive or am I thinking too much?Ever since da day I threw temper,it seems to bother her a lot.Before this,she still shows her care and after since da day,she stop doing so and probably because she felt after all what she have done & yet I still threw my temper on her.Well this is my point of view,what da truth or reality,I doesnt know.Maybe I'm thinking too much?(I wish I am).

It's kinda obvious da cold shoulder she's giving me & wouldnt know why it does bother me a lot.I do felt bad & guilty about da temper thingy yet I didnt know why she's being cold towards me.I'm actually kinda afraid about our coming trip,oh please dont spoilt da trip!I doesnt want things to turn sour and most importantly I dont want us to end this way either.

Every relationship has their ups and downs,agree?We cant be expecting a 100% no arguement,no discussion and no upsets in any relationship(Maybe there is,1 out of a million?).What I'm trying to say here is da reason that I always talk over with you when da upsets happened because I hope we could understand each other more by talking it out instead of you keeping everything to yourself and showering me with da cold cold feelings.Do you realised when we have problems,we just sweep it under da carpet while it's getting thicker and thicker.There's a possibility that our problem is we aint good in communicating for a solution.We tend to assume how each other thinks and feels.Em true or not true?I dunno.

I'm always waiting for her to tell me how she feels about me.I could feel that there's many things she havent tell me about ME and US.Again it's just my instincts =) Maybe is just be being over-thinking or sensitive*Lol*Emotional person ma..

Anyhow my dear,I said my sorrie and my approach to talk to you,if you still feel I'm wrong and I deserve such cold treatment,I got nothing to say nor do.It takes both hands to clapI have forgotten about da temper thingy as I feel it's just another bad time thingy.I reallie wish we could enjoy da coming trip.Oh God~~

Rain Rain Rain~~

It's raining like dogs and cats outside so I'm stuck here in da office though it's already after work,well what to do I doesnt own a car and doesnt wanna get myself squeeze into a tin of sardine while taking da bus.Shall stay here for a while,surfing da net and checking other people blogs to see their updates*keke*

Well,it's monday blues and glad it's over.Most of my colleagues are taking off from tomorrow till Raya finishes and my leave application is still left on my manager's table unsigned.Dont see him here today though,probably away for business.Hopefully he will be back as I'm longing for this holiday man.During da Merdeka month,took leave but end up at home.This time by hook by crook,I wanna get out of KL.

I guess da main reason why de other day I brokedown was after all has happened to me,I havent reallie release myself you know.It's like there's still something in me making me sufficating.Why?I thought that threwing and acting like a insane person at her place has make me over it and now I understand that at tat moment,what I did was da anger I had in me and now da suffication is da pain that has been eating me.

Dont get me wrong,I never blame her on what has happened,just tat I still need some time to heal myself.Aint easy to forget and let go okie?Something funny happened was a fren of mine told me today that she felt weird and couldnt get comfy seeing me and her together now.She couldnt believe how could I just take things so easily and still hang around with her.I told her there's no reason to hate someone da whole life.At times I would be confused to be a good person or a bad one.Cos when you're good,people tend to take it granted and forgotten to appreciate it and when you're bad,people would remember da good ones of you and would cherish you more.This is life or humans are just like that?A question without an answer.

Why are they people crazy about love?People who wants to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend so much?These are da questions she raised to me yesterday from her friend's friend situation where she desperately wants a boyfriend.Em,I feel that no matter how powerful you are,how rich you,how pretty & famous you are and how successful you are,one day you'll just realise da word "Lonely".It's true that we doesnt live for others and we do not depend on others to live yet what we need is support and companionship.I told you before that love last for few years in a relationship and da rest is companionship.We are looking for someone whom we love and someone we can count on too.This particular someone is da one whom we can fully trust without any doubts,we want him/her to give us their support,we like their care,touch,words and love.Your friend may have everything she wants or she's still on da way catching her dreams and she needed someone to share with her.Alright this is my point of view so it does sounds very da emotional okie?*lol*

Still feel bad today though about da throwing temper thingy and hopefully it does not affect her.Anyway doesnt wan her to feel that I keep remembering tis,for da last time,I'm sorrie dear,I wish you could feel how much I do appreciate what you have done for me,your words and actions are all noted down in my heart*blink*

Hey got this very sweet phrase from a friend's blog and would wanna put it here(No copyrights reserved right?Doesnt wanna get sue!)

"Sometimes I think that if I'd never fallen in love with you,
I would be a very different person because no one else could have recognized so much good in
me,
No one else could have made me feel this happy because no one else could have believed in me
and made me the person i am today,
And no one else could have filled my life each day with so much love and joy,
Thank god I'd met you,
I love you."

I'm going back home already..freaking cold in here...my fingers cant type anymore..another day has just passed =)

Throwing Temper On Her =( Sorry Dear..

Okie it's was a bad emotional yesterday night,suddenly I felt down thinking about the incident and with sad songs I was listening to,it got me worst where I started crying.Yeaps cry baby again and again*haha*Was sms-ing with my dear and she was asking me "Am I okie?","Asking me dont think of da sad stuffs"(Isn't sweet?)Den in da middle of da nite,told her I was hungry and she purposely pack some food & send it to me(Sweeter?=P).Anyway da bad thing was my emotional temper got over me,I threw my temper at her by slamming da doors and that's very shameful of ME!!After that we had a discussion about me being emotion,how should I control,what I needed when I'm having such times and also about compromise(I forgotten this word yesterday!!)

I'm so sorry,I knew I shouldnt have done so,you were having your stress as well doing your assignment and I was so inconsiderate doing all that to you while you were being sweet to me.Seriously I felt guilty till today,that's why I doesnt dare to message you today.How I wish you're reading this cos I wanna let you know it's not because I'm "yam sing".I reallie didnt know how to control my bad emotional times.Da worst thing about my bad emotional times is,it happens suddenly,with no specific reasons and it will reallie bring me down down to da drain.I would feel afraid being alone and would reallie hope you're here with me.I just needed someone(da one I want) to be next to me to accompany me.That's all.

She's woke me up that I cant expect her to be there everytime when I'm having this sort of situation.I'll need to understand her situation too.There are times when she needed me to be there as well but she understand that I cant.How come I'm so silly??*Slap slap*Told you I'm a more emotional person rather den a rational person.So need to change something about this which is using my brains more rather den my heart(at times la*lol*).Emotionally I aint independent enough I guess,would need to practice more on how to handle these.This situation has got us few times into arguements,dissatisfcation and discussions which pull us down.

I'm reallie sorry as I doesnt want things to happened this way.I was being inconsiderate!Monster!Girly!Watever you name it.I knew you care about me,trying to cheer me up and I'm reallie reallie bad =( I'm very sorry ah!I'll promise that in no matter how bad or emotional my situation is,I would not throw my temper or tantrums or do anything saddie or baddie to you!I Sam Su promise you this else I wont be pretty anymore!(*Wohooo*As you know how much I love being pretty right?).You're reallie someone important & I reallie didnt wanna do this to me.

Sorry maybe meaningless and too late to say at times yet dear I reallie mean it.Hehe I'm writing a apology blog here for you okie?Cos I reallie felt so so so so guilty about this.Again I'm SORRY!*bow bow*Anyway do bear with me also la when I have my bad times,do wish I could share it with you instead of seeing ya black face. Experince few times where I was down and you got moody,ever since den it was hard for me to tell you about my probs.I didnt want you to be moody or unhappie when I'm already down and upset here,get what I mean?I wanna share with you to release & not sharing with you to add in more stress and frustrations.Doesnt understand why each time my instints tells me you doesnt like it when I'm down.Is there a problem for me to be down?to be upset?I know I just shouldnt throw my temper at you .I dont wan to keep everything to myself already.Now I'll share everything with you and hey tell me about my good and bad,I wont murder you because of it.Need to learn from others about myself to be a better me.Ew need to do something to handle this emotional thingy..Sam oh Sam..Different people will have different ways of handling themselves and I wish we could compromise about each other,aint saying who's fault is it..Aint like last time where I wan answers & always feels there's right and wrong =)

Oh yeah another updates about my life,let's welcome da new member of my family!!My baby nephew,this little kid is so cute!Looking at him and my niece,oh my gosh I felt old already.Wondering what have I been doing for da past few years?Guess being enjoying myself naively and now is time to grow up.

Right now,my main priority is how do I wanna get closer to what I have been dreaming of.My house,my car,my savings,my travelling,my family and of cos there's still you.Friends who sees us do ask me whether how come we seems closer den before or how come we still hang around.Em guess there's no special reason as I believe things will work out naturaly da way they are.

She shall stay focus and work hard in her studies,felt a change in her after the results.She finally understand how to control herself and set some limits within herself about time management.Seriously,I'm very happie to see this.I wouldnt mind at all if I dont get to see her as she's putting her effort studying.I bet last time I would complain about her not spending time with me & blablabla..Childish isnt?*haha*What I reallie hope on her is I do wanna see her graduate,she had missed da chance of UK studying,she had failed twice and now she's learning from it by putting all da efforts that she can.

Dear God,as I believe in you & this gal is now trying hard for what she can,she building up her confidence and bringing herself back to da reality.Please help her and guide her.At times she maybe lost and blame herself as well as others for da past,lead her and show her da future that she wants.I know she can do better den this.Forgive da sins that she made and we learn to forgive and forget.I would wanna confess my sins as well for hurting people around me.I realise my mistakes & wouldnt wanna repeat them.Thanks God for everything you have given to us.In da name of Jesus*Amen*

Let's forget about da sad and bad times and life moves on..Cheer up!

Vacation =P

It's da second week of October and looking at da calendar in front of me,time seem to be passing by very quickly where too many things happened on me.It's like there's no time to stop & relax or to regain my consciouness.Alright,I guess you would say "Sam,you need a break!".Which is true.Deeparaya holidays are coming and I hope I get to run away from da city this time to somewhere like Langkawi?Need somewhere that allows me to breath properly and to settle my mind a little.It's not about work stress or love stress.It's about me,physically and mentally being tired.Get what I mean?I need a vacation!!!

So how's things between me and her?It's great and warmie to in her arms again,sweet to have her care and concern as well.With no doubts there are changes in us.It's not a bad or a good change,it's a change that happens naturally that seems to be bringing us closer?

I dared myself walking back into da sad place yesterday,when she open da door,I took a deep breath before stepping inside and looking around.Slowly walking into her room,my heart sank & felt sour,I didnt dare to look around,what I did was to peep da changes in da room and as usual being an observant.It's reallie upset to see Sam da education cat was left outside covered with dust.It's not because I'm da one who gave her,I guess that she should appreciate that it's mean for her studies.So keep it well and dont just dump it aside or maybe she doesnt have da time to handle/take care of her own stuffs?Anyhow,it's not my control about this =) she shall take care of herself and her stuffs ya.

Arghh,many things up in my mind now,first is I need a vacation!second how do I wanna celebrate her birthday?third da year end Singapore trip,fourth my "moving out" and fifth my financial planning as well.Now I'm into da financial planning thingy where I doesnt want myself to get off track so that I get so save $ for my trips and for my car as well.Would wanna achieve my dreams and goals.I still love Armanee Terrace!!

You..

Lying on da bed after a long tired day,who will you be thinking tonight?
Holding your favourite panda or your booster,wishing you're hugging her now?
Upon closing your eyes to sleep,hoping someone is there sleeping beside you?
Missing someone tonight?

Waking up early in da morning,want someone to cheer up your day with a bright smile on her face?
Needed a nice massage to start your day with a yummy warmie breakfast on your bed?
Walking along da street,seeing couples holding hand to hand together,arent you hoping her hands is with you now?
Gazing at people and places,dont you wanna call her just to listen to her voice?

Having a hard day,you're wanted her to be there in front of you?
When you're sick and lonely,she's da one you needed with you?
And when you refuse to eat da bitter medicine,she's da one one who thinks all sorts of silly ways to make you take them?
Getting a present,who do you wanna give to?

Looking at da pictures you had,dont you wish you could have more with her?
While travelling around,you wanted her with you too?
Every laughther and tears,who do you wanna share with?
For me,it's you..

Happie Mid-Autum Festival!~!

Hey I just found out that this year I didnt play with any lanterns nor candles!What a waste..yet I'm glad to have celebrated this day with her cos I remember last year I celebrated with my chimui and some of her frens in Halo Cafe in OUG where we wasn't attached together at da moment.This time wasn't a big fancy special celebration and you know what?

I realised that how stubborn I use to be about celebrating anniversaries,special occassions and festives seasons with my girlfriend.Right now,I understand that we doesnt need a real celebration as long you get to see da one you want and have her with you.Life isnt da same as da movies that we see,flowers everyday(Reality:Waste of money!),surprises now and then(Reality:Lazy la..).So we shouldnt be complaining much about how our partners treat us as long you know in her heart how she feels for u.

I got a hair cut yesterday and my dear got shocked and she didnt like it but hehe I'm okie with my hair though cos it's something new and different,need to change a little so that I get to see da different sides of me.However,for sure I wouldnt cut short my hair!Alright till den,da next I'll update here will be da photos from yesterday nite hang out with her and my chimuis =)

Expressive

Why is it so hard for me to explain how I feel to da one I love?Isn't suppose to be easier to talk to da one whom you gave your heart and trust to?Yet I still have problems with it.I realised my weaknesses where I would stand tall and strong in front of her where I doesn’t wanna let her see me upset,downs and stress.Whenever she asked "Are you okie?" spontaneously I will answered "Yeaps!" eventhough at times da actual fact is I'm not.I doesn’t want her to get worry about me.I want her to share da happiness with me and let me go through da unhappie myself.This is because I love her and I "sayang" her a lot.I wanna walk into her life showering her love and happiness while bringing us together closer to our future.

However,this isnt good for a relationship.If I'm single,I live in my own world,yes I can swallow everything down without burdening or upsetting anyone and if I have a girlfriend den da situation is suppose to change!Why fight or argue so hard with her?Why making things seems so confusing?Why make da relationship so difficult for both of us when all I need to do is just be tender about how I feel?I blame it on myself for such attitude,it's not that I wanna win over you dear,I didn’t want to but it's just so hard for me to express how down I am,how pain I am and da negative sides of me.You have seen da cheerful and positive sides of me but never I would try to let you see da crying baby and negatives sides of me.I know that being together is about sharing each other inner sides where we don’t show to others.I have tried telling you when I was down,I tried..I reallie did yet it didn’t change how you think about me.You still would remark that why I like to keep things to myself.I keep cos I wanna avoid burdening you listen to my sadness,seeing me crying and feeling my pain.Do you know that?

Sigh,I need to see a doctor for expressing emotions theraphy*lol*Anyway,she's been kinda confused lately that nearly got me confused too about us.I agree on let things settle naturally by themselves yet some things need to talk out.If she have anything on mind about me,I would be glad to hear it.I used to be a bad listener and now I'm changing to be a good one(*slaps*always talk too much rather den listening).I aint asking for anything right now as we could maintain who we are now.I don’t dare to ask anything either cos you doesn’t owe me but please stop asking me to find others or saying that I deserve someone better.In my heart and mind,there's just you(aint pressuring anything okie?).Those words aint helping me at all,probably it might make me feel more sad only.

From what has happened till today,I didn’t ask for a explaination,I didn’t ask why,I didn’t ask you to apologize and I didn’t seek anything from you cos what has happened has happened.You may feel da guilt while understanding da pain and hurt I gone through yet I didn’t know why I forgive you.I was happie and glad da day when you said "Sorry" cos at tat moment,that was what I wanted to listen.Mayb because of da word "Sorry" and for da sake of "Love",I forgive you.I couldn’t hate you nor blame you for it.I just didn’t know what to do.

I like being around you cos of da care and attention you gave me.I could just leave all my burdens and problems deep down in da sea while flying to cloud nine with you.I felt simple being with you.Yeah,that da word "Simple".I could just love you and being love by you.Your touches,huggies and kisses are so warm that it just melts my heart.When I needed your support,you would just give da pat behind my back and your actions tells me your encouragement.Though you aint a expressive person but your actions tells how you think.

I may talk a lot till at times I doesn’t know what am I talking about yet please accept me as a simple person who loves being in love and happie.I trust God,fate,luck and love.I may have doubts trusting others in da whole world but yet I doesn’t havent doubts in trusting you.We do have communication problems where we aint open enough to tell how we feel about each other cos we are afraid of da consequences and don’t let this break us.If we know this is da problem den face it gal.I aint gonna eat u up if you tell me I aint pretty okie?*haha*

Learning not to be so stubborn about myself already,learning from others about myself where I can understand better about me =) good luck. Commitment and da word "Attached" doesnt reallie matters as long you know how da person feels for you.Slow and steady will build da foundation so be easy about us ya.

I Still Cries..

Yesterday night before we went to bed,we were sms-ing each other and suddenly da word "Sorry" came up from her again,lately she has been apologizing and saying she know I was hurt and pain about what has happened.She didnt explain much, just that she mentioned she didnt mean to hurt me.Probably you may say "Why wanna forgive a heartless person?" "Do I remember what she did to me?"

Each time when I recall back about the incident,my tears naturally falls.Why?I doesnt know.I only know that my heart still aches when think of da question "Why?".There's too many why that I could bombard her but I didnt.Some questions even you or I wouldnt know how to answer.Things could get out of our control if we doesnt know what to do or we were in dilemma.That's how we make mistakes.

Do you know that what's da meaning of sorry?Some will say it for da sake of making de other person feel better and some will say cos they feel they need to.I hope you're saying it not because you wanna me feel better.I wish da reason you're saying it because you understand & you felt you were wrong.I remembered that day when I called you and questioned you,you didnt even felt da guilt at all.It seems right for what you have done.That's why I hated you at da moment.I couldnt believe you would gave me that response.I was waiting for a explaination,I was hoping a regret from you.I aint that cruel to curse & swear to you.

At that moment, I declared myself as insane,I didnt know what was rationality,I remembered clearly when I sat down calmly on your bed and questioned you.You didn't doubt it.What I could do at da moment were to throw whatever I see.I couldnt control my feelings,my tears and my actions.I couldnt even feel da blood dripping from my hands.All I could feel is pain,hurt,betrayal,lost of love and trust.I broke down on my knees lying on da phone with one question "Why?"

I took few days to resume myself fighting with my rationality and emotionally.Soon my hatred for you stop cos I realise da more I hate you it's because da more I love you.I couldnt stop myself thinking about u,us,our dreams and promises.Till today, I still dun dare to read back every messages you send.Sam aint brave enough uh?*lol*Eventually,I took things lightly where I doesnt wanna care so much about how I feel for you cos it's too obvious already.Now, I aint da one who wanna decide how this relationship gonna be.I doesnt wanna plan or control nor predict.We started together naturally and end miserably.For now,we shall let things follow as nature does then.No force,no control results in no stress and pressure.Good right?

I would admit that before this I was too anxious and stress about settlement,I forgotten she's still young.She may still wanna enjoy and play around.I was too absent-minded about that love is everything and by now,perception change.It doesnt mean she's no longer important,is just that I have my career where it leads me closer to stability in financially and also to my dreams meanwhile we shall see how things gonna work out for us.If we are meant to be together,we will else we wont.

Question : When you're lonely,afraid and you wanted someone with you so much,who shall that be?

Answer : She/He will be da one you trust and whom you feel you can depend on.

Rob-b-hood

Aloha my bloggie,another new month has arrived,today is da beginning of October,wondering how would this month be?Any new luck of fortune coming in?New areas where we could put in more effort?Or anything that's gonna change from bad to better and from good to da best?*Let's cross fingers together*

Friday,had a great dinner at Victoria Station with her,her first time there and it has been like 5 years since my last visit at the outlet,nothing much has changed,guess what has changed is da person who's there.It should be something new to her since it's her first time and I'm glad that she enjoyed da food with ME!*lol*Anyway thumbs up for da food and da service there!

After that we went to a movie called Rob-b-hood in Mid Valley, I was very anxious for da movie cos of da baby named Matthew.He's reallie too cute and lovely to have.How I wish that my baby would be as cute as him*Dream on Sam..dream on*Review on da movie,it's a funny 2 hours plus movie that brings me up and down where it make me laugh out my lungs and I cried few times in da movie*Yeaps and you didnt realised!!*

Cried when da wife was apologizing to her hubby for taking care of her so long(as she suffered from depression since her child's death),2nd crying session was when da baby was taken away given back to da grandpa,he was crying so badly and da doctors & nurses where taking his blood for testing*that's very mean for such a small baby okie*Da final crying session where I reallie cried a lot man,da baby was nearly freeze to death,looking at da cute baby motionless,I kept crying and crying non stop,it was so sad to see da ones who loves him trying their best to save his life.Anyway da best part of da movie is everyone live happily ever after..

I love movies that make me laugh and cry with a good & happie ending cos in reality of life,there's more downs compare to ups,people are more negative/pesismistic rather den being positive/optimistic.I read a book recently and I'm amazed with a story about a young gal where her mum ask her "What do you want on your birthday?,she answered "I want a big ballon party".On her birthday,her mum asked her again "Why arent you sad that there's no big balloon party?" "Dont you feel god is treating you unfaily where other kids get to have it?" and da young little gal answered "I told God that I want a big balloon party and God answered by saying no to me"

Da young little girl understand that we dont get wat we want most of da time and there's isnt a point for being upset when we dont get it.When there are bad times and downs,we should take it as a test or a challenge for us to be someone better and to take a higher step up climbing up da ladder of success*This message is clearly for da one who is reading this*Yes you know who you are*

Count your blessing about what you have,who you have and why you have,things doesnt come coincidence in your life,when you learn to appreciate,you'll learn how useful you are,how greatful you are,how meaningful you are to da one you love,how many joys and happiness you brings,how important you play in their lifes and how near you are to your dreams/goals.It's all about how you think of yourself that makes who you are today.

Though I have my bad and worst times, I fall,I cried,I breakdown,my heart shattered and my life was like de end of da world yet at da same time I remember da happiness,da joy,da laughter,da gifts,da support and trust that you gave me.I learned to unlock my heart from da sadness and hurt cos there's always a better reason to smile with.Love da one you love,support her when she needs you eventhough you may not agree with what she's doing,yet let her try cos you can never predict the conclusion,trust her as much as you trust yourself,live life simple where all you wan is to see her smiling.

I treasured da times when you were here with me & now I'll be here with you also..